Feeling hopeless....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Feeling hopeless....
4
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 10:46am

Hi everyone,
I posted on here quite a few months ago, but I'll do a short re-cap of what's happened. I met a guy in March of last year and we fell madly in love in a very short period of time. There was a big age difference between us (22 and 35) and he had recently been divorced and had a young child. None of this seemed to matter and I readily accepted it because I loved him. After three months, we moved in together and it was amazing. He swept me off my feet, took me places, treated me like a princess and made me feel amazing. Suddenly, out of nowhere in October, he decided that he didn't know if he could handle a serious relationship because he hadn't dealt with problems from his past and didn't know where his life was going. I really didn't understand, because he has a great job and a good relationship with his child. He was feeling guilty spending time with me when he should be spending time with his kid, etc. He said he didn't want this to break us up, so the best thing to do would be for me to move out.

Moving out was heart-wrenching. I'm young and had never done something like that....plus I was still so in love with him and it came out of nowhere. The past four months have been like a roller coaster.....we've tried seriously dating but not living together, casually dating, etc. and evertime something seems to happen on his end. One week he calls me everyday and tells me how much he loves me and the next he wants his space. So, obviously I haven't been perfect and have gotten upset and been obsessive (which has completely turned him off). But,I finally got to the point where I was like "Either you date me right and actually make an effort or not". So, he called me two nights ago and was like "I don't want to be in a relationship right now. All I can offer you is a good friendship. Maybe something will change down the road, but I don't know". I was so upset and sad...we had talked about marriage, children.....he was the love of my life. He also said that I was everything he ever wanted in a woman, but things have just changed for him over the past few months. He said I did nothing wrong, which makes it even harder. He says he still wants to be friends and help me deal with this.

I was living on that hope the last four months that he would realize I was truly the one for him. And it didn't happen. And now I feel so lost because we were still spending time together as a couple and now we can't. Should I hold on to the hope that one day he might come around and want to be with me? Cause it's so hard to let go. I just SWEAR I will never meet anyone that compares to him. I'll never love someone like I love him. It's just so difficult!!! Does anyone have any advice? I would appreciate it so much!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 11:29am

gemini_girl82...


Pianoguy is sorry you're hurting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 4:14pm
ughhhh my ex boyfriend basically told me the exact same thing.
sooooo hard to move on knowing they might want to get back together.
pretty much impossible to let go and move on.
im as lost as you are, and i know EXACTLY how you are feeling.
i went a month without talking to him and nothing has changed. he still doesnt want me and im still madly in love with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Wed, 03-09-2005 - 5:30pm

Can I just ask WHAT IS UP with these guys telling us "well, I really don't want to be in a relationship with you right now..but, who knows, maybe there's a chance for us down the road." My ex said something to that effect when we broke up and I just wanted to scream NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!! THAT'S FOUL PLAY!!! Because it basically ensures that no matter how much we do move on, there will always (?) be some sort of glimmer of hope somewhere about the distant future. I, for one, am a certified prisoner of hope...even though I *know* we're over.

I think the government should veto that phrase out of the "acceptable breakup lines" handbook. That and, "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." Bollocks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 10:24am
It's amazing how much just a LITTLE hope can keep your going and keep you from moving on with your life completely. I just want to call my ex and be like "I know we can't be together right now, but there is a chance that we could end up together someday when the timing is better right?". And I just want him to say "yes" so I can hold on to something and make day to day life easier right now. But does that just make it worse to completely get over them?
It's great to talk to people on these boards that are going through the same things. All my friends have really serious boyfriends and never have had to deal with heartache. Does anyone struggle with that? I want to be happy for them, but it just makes me so depressed.