Feeling a little bit angry!
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| Mon, 07-03-2006 - 10:40am |
I don't why but this weekend for some reason I started to get really mad about my whole situation.
For those of you who don't know, my ex and I were together 4.5 years, since our Junior year in highschool, he's 22, I'm 21. He broke up with me 10 weeks ago because he didn't want to be in a relationship right now, needed time to himself, was trying to figure out what he wanted out of life, etc.... He told me he still loved me, but that this was something he needed to do right now.
We've kept in touch.
Okay so now for the angry part. I've been really good about not letting the anger get to me before now. I'm just so mad at him, I trusted him to never hurt me, he told me he would never let me go, but look what happened. I'm mad at him for being so good and making me fall in love with him (I was someone who didn't believe in love).
I'm even mad at myself for still thinking that we might get back together. I want to let go, but for some reason I can't. Something is holding me back and I don't know what it is. I can't get myself completely over him.
We are talking on the phone again, but I've considered here lately telling him that I can't fool myself anymore. Because I feel like a fake when I talk to him on the phone. Acting all friendly. But I want to be more than friends.
I've considered telling him that I don't want to talk to him anymore, that he can only call me if and when he wants to get back together.
I do enjoy our phone calls, and they have helped me. I don't doubt that our conversations are good, but I have to really focus on not telling him I miss him, that I love him, etc...
I don't think that he and I can be friends. We were either meant to be a couple or nothing at all.
I just don't know!
ARGH!!!!!!!
Any thoughts?
~Amber~

Hi there,
I think the absolute best thing you can do right now is implement a no contact rule. It's just way too hard to stay in contact with your ex right now.
It's a huge step, and a really scary step. I know how angry you are feeling, because I felt the same way about a week ago, until I said once and for all, this is it. I can't continue to let myself feel this way. The only reason all these emotions were filling up inside was because I allowed them to. I allowed him to still contact me. Yes, it was difficult taking the steps I took to block him from contacting me, but a week later, I am so much happier, and I rarely think about him at all now. It's because there is no reminder of him in my life anymore. I never see him on the computer, because I changed my e-mail. I never see a call from him on my cell phone, because, well actually, it broke and I just leave it turned off all the time. He can't contact me on my old e-mail, because I blocked him out. It was a drastic step, but a good step in the healing process.
Each time you talk to him, or see him, or know he's around, it just opens that wound up a little bit more. I totally understand that there might still be a future with you two, but for now, I think you need to give it some major time.
You can do it, I know you can. Yes, it's really hard, but I know you are strong and can get through this! You never know, maybe in the next little while you take for yourself, not in contact with him, you will figure out that he's not really what you want! You never know!
Stay strong girl, we are all here for you!
I truly think it would be in your best interests to not talk to him for the time being, until you're completely over him (as in, you can imagine calling him, hearing about his new girlfriend, and actually being ok with that). And I agree with your idea of letting him know that he should only contact you if he wants to get back together--that way you know that he knows you're open to it, and you also know that if he's not calling, it's because he doesn't want to get back together.
And never say never about being friends with him down the road, if you don't get back together--I never thought I'd be friends with one ex in particular, but here it is, 9 years after our breakup, and we are!
Sheri
I am feeling much better now. I just got angry this weekend, probably because the 4th is coming up and we always spent it at the lake together. I know that my anger this weekend was me trying to not think about him and not miss him, but I can't let the anger get to me. It won't get me anywhere, and I don't want to be bitter. I know that the decision he made to end our relationship right now was the best one for both of us.
I do not want to do the whole no contact thing again. I did it for 4 weeks, until I called him and I really have enjoyed talking to him on the phone now.
I have decided that I'm going to let him call me, I'm not going to call him for awhile. I don't expect him to call before next week though.
Our conversations are really good, but I have to watch myself and make sure I don't spill my guts to him about still loving him, missing him, etc... He doesn't need that right now and I don't need that right now.
I don't know what the future holds for us. I do know that if he and I don't ever get back together I will be happy no matter what.
I'm moving on with my life. I've been getting out there and meeting other guys, but I'm not dating yet. Not really ready I don't think.
Thanks for your advice and I'll think about it.
~Amber~
Hi Amber,
I think the Phone relationship is great to keep contact with him, makes us feel better to talk to them...BUT...they dont deserve our friendship, its like, ok, they get to talk to thier best friend, us, thier girl who is always there, and they KNOW we love them, but, if we cant be together? Forget it... I told my BF, its all or nothing, he was like, we cant even be friends? I was like, i dont want to be your friend, why, so you can keep the comfort of my voice around, while you run around like a single guy? It hurts way to much, cut him off, see if he decides quicker about your future, and what he wants.
BE STRONG..not like me, weak!!
hugs,
Louise
If you don't want to talk to him I think that's perfectly acceptable. They call it a breakup for a reason.
"Okay so now for the angry part. I've been really good about not letting the anger get to me before now. I'm just so mad at him, I trusted him to never hurt me, he told me he would never let me go, but look what happened. I'm mad at him for being so good and making me fall in love with him (I was someone who didn't believe in love)."
Saying to someone or believing they'll never hurt you is impossible. If you get into a relationship that's a chance you're going to have to take. And people who say "I'll never let you go." may mean it in the moment, but again, that's a hard thing to live up to.
Life is complicated and things happen and people change. You're both young and you have so many years ahead of you I say let him figure out his personal stuff and you should move on.