Feeling lost...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Feeling lost...
1
Fri, 01-13-2006 - 4:59pm

This is my first posting...I guess I hope it will help me feel better to vent what's going on and maybe get some feedback from others.

I feel so sad and confused right now. I know many of you are going to say I should probably feel lucky and happy to be getting out of this relationship now. But right now it's hard to feel that way...I'm sure in time I will agree.

I've been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now. He was going through a divorce when we met, actually recently seperated. We fell for each other so quickly probably because we've gone through so much together this year. I was there for him through major surgery and we haven't spent a day apart for the last 4 months until two weeks ago.

We have been planning to get married and planning a future together. He has a daughter with his wife but that has not been a problem, I love her very much along with the rest of his family.

Everything had been perfect and we were planning our future until about two weeks ago. When I found out his wife is pregnant with another child. I knew he had slept with her after we had first met, but I forgave him for that because it was the beginning of our relationship ane we weren't 'exclusive'. Apparently she has been telling him she's pregnant but he did not want to believe it until she brought him proof from the doctor two weeks ago. His divorce was going to be final in two weeks, but now everything has changed.

The reason he married this woman to begin with was because she got pregnant the first month they met. They were married after only knowing each other 3 months. She cheated on him and they had a bad relationship so that is why they were going to get divorced. They were married a little over a year before they got seperated. Why he made the mistake to sleep with her again I will never know.

He believes he has to do the right thing and go back to her for the children. She's slept with other people so there is a chance this second child may not be his. It's a disaster. He knew it did not work for the child the first time, I cannot understand why he wants to go through it again.

It's hard for me to get over this because he says he still loves me and knows he and she have a horrible relationship, but thinks now that there are two children they must work it out for the kids. So now he has ended things between us.

His family wishes we could find a way to work things out...or at least wait until the baby is born to find out the truth. I feel like he still loves me but just wants to do what is best for the children. At this point I don't know that I could go back anyway, because I do not want his ex (if she did become an ex) to be trying to control our live forever. It's so hard because I feel like I have lost this wonderful person that has meant so much to me and I was planning a future with. He has made me so happy over this time (with the exception of this obviously). It's hard not to wonder if I will ever find someone that was so caring to me in the future. I know I don't deserve to be involved with all these problems though. I do care about myself enough not to want all that 'drama' in my life. I'm still young, 26 I've got plenty of time to find happiness, but right now it feels like the end of the world.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2003
In reply to: beachstar
Sat, 01-14-2006 - 4:15pm

Hey you,

though my situation is different (my boyfriend initiated the break-up last night after 2 years together), I just want to let you know you're not alone feeling like this right now. I understand your pain and if you need to share more of what is going through your mind, just write it here, I'll read it and answer.

Hang in there, it is supposed to get better,
Annie