feeling low
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| Wed, 11-29-2006 - 4:50pm |
Hi
This is my first message on this board, I have read many of the messages and they have given me strength and hope. Knowing that I am not alone in the emotions that i'm feeling.
I met a lovely guy a year and a half ago, our friendship and instant attraction led us to a relationship soon after. He treated me so nicely and was always a gentleman. He cared for me and was like my best friend. Then after a few months he decided he needed space. I was hurt as I thought things were great but I respected his wishes. We remained friends and spent alot of time together and talked everyday, he still said nice things to me and made me feel like I was the most important person in his life. He would even sometimes talk about marriage and kids.
After a few months we went for a meal and he told me he loved me, and that he thought I was amazing, etc. I was on cloud 9. But not for long, a few weeks later he told me he was dating. I felt like my world had been turned upside down. I couldn’t understand how he could say he loved me then do this.
After discussing things I decided that we shouldn’t talk for a while, I found it so hard as he was my best friend and we would talk about everything.
A while later we got in touch and met up, everything felt the same, the chemistry was still there, we had both missed eachother and both loved eachother, I really though that things would work out. But he said he needed time to think, he knew he felt alot for me and I made him happy, but something was holding him back.
Well a few months of waiting later, things had deteriorated, I didn’t feel I was special to him anymore, he rarely called/text, we would email but it didn’t feel the same.
We met up and he said that he didn’t want a relationship; I said I would be patient and take it slow, but he said that he just wanted to date people and not get close to anyone.
He said I had meant more to him than anyone ever, but then why had he shut me out and let me down like this?
After that I didn’t contact him at all, I deleted everything, emails, numbers, texts.
Then after a month I got an email from him asking how I am etc. I replied after a while, I wasn’t going to but I didn’t want him to think I hated him, as I didn’t. We briefly emailed a few times, just general, nothing with emotion. Now I haven’t heard from him again.
I was doing ok before he contacted me, and now I feel so low and depressed, especially with Christmas on its way. I can't believe he just let me go like that, someone who was there for him always, who cared and loved him, someone he thought of as a special friend.
I want to move on, and have been keeping busy, but I just don’t connect with anyone the way I did with him.
I have so many questions I want to ask him, but maybe never will get the chance.
I just don’t get why he got in touch briefly, was it just so he didn’t look like a bad guy?
How have people moved on after break ups? I just want him out of my head, so I can be happy again!
Thanks for listening, sorry it was so long!!
x

I think in your case, he was in touch with you because he was curious about how you were doing. Because he doesn't have a problem with the on again, off again thing, and because he knows he doesn't want a relationship with you, it doesn't set him back to contact you, and he obviously didn't think of the effect it might have on you.
So this is one of those situations where I think it's helpful to use technology to your advantage. Block him from contacting you again so you don't have to go through this again. If you need to, email him and let him know what you're doing and why you're doing it, and let him know you'll be in touch when you're ready to be friends (which you may never be, but that way it keeps the ball in your court).
Sheri
Thank you for your advice Sheri, I have been feeling down again today, and i know that i need to pick myself up and get on with life.
You are right, i need to ensure he does not contact me again. I do not really want to email him, instead i will try my best to ignore any future contact by him, that's if i do hear from him again.
I need to be selfish, like he is, and think about myself and do things which make my life easier.
x
Why not just block him from emailing you rather than using up all that emotional energy that it takes to ignore his emails or wonder if he's going to email you again?
Sheri
Just think Positive, relax, focus on yourself,do yoga or any form of exercise (it is said that exercise releases and eliminates stress and depression), go dancing, and just enjoy life. When you focus on everything that you want to do then you'll know if your over him. This guy clearly dosn't deserve you, and there are plenty of men in this world you just got to wait for the right one.But let me tell you something when people focus, care, and love themselves they attract people.So don't give up on love, because like i said you deserve so much more.Don't be afraid that there aren't any good guys because there are tons of good guys you just got to find out where they all hang out, and some more advice when searching for someone new open your horizons!But if there is any chance that you still want this guy then I have a better plan to wrap this guy around your finger.
If there is a chance that this guy still secretly loves and wants you, but he's being such a guy and not accepting the fact that he may still love, need, and want you in his life then this is when you have to act. Here are a couple of things to do that will help alot, believe me (:
1) Think positive and be sure of yourself and what you want
2) Do things for yourself like (ex: get nails and hair done)
3) Go to a spa and get a Theraputic Massage
4) Go shopping for a a killer sexy outfit
5) Go places enjoy your time alone
6) Don't call or see him at all (wait a week, but if there is a chance you see him just chat for like 5 mins and then quickly end by saying you have things to do but say it nicely) There's a saying " Guys want what they can't have" so be sweet and say good bye but with a peck on the cheek!
7) After a week has gone by casually invite him out (preferably somewhere social and at night), but as friends! then wear the killer sexy outfit that you bought, and get your hair done too.
Now when you see him that night kiss him not on the lips but real close to lips and pull away slowly.During the event pay him less attention, but don't ignore him. Now enjoy the night and when the night is over and it is time for good byes... there two scenerios the first one is;
1)If he asks you out again and you say yes then you win...but since he just asked you out again don't give into any making out, hooking up, or sex just that night and possibly the next night( if you want)instead make him want you even more, make him think and work harder to get you. so when saying good bye i recommend you compliment him on how he's acted all evening and then kiss him on lips and say that you have to get up early in the morning to do something, but if he'd like to schedule a date for next day.
2)If he doesn't ask you out that night there is still a possibility that he might soon or maybe that you've blown him away that he's shocked...so dont worry !! so when saying goodbye I recommend kiss on the cheek and a sweet goodbye (if he didn't ask you out no making out, hooking up, or sex with him no matter how tempting lol... let him know that you only do those things when in a relationship, and that you respect yourself, your heart, and most important your body!)
Hope I helped,
Alexi
I wish i could, but he emails my work account, and i can not block those emails. Also i guess in a way i would like to know if he has tried to contact me, sad i know, but maybe once i am stronger i will not care.
Thanks x
Alexi
Thank you for your advice, you are so right, I need to focus on myself and do things which make me happy, like spending time with family/friends and retail therapy!!.
I do not know whether he really loved me, although even just before we broke up he was still telling me I made him happy and that he was confused. Maybe I pushed him for answers too much, but I had waited a few months and I felt that if he really wanted me he would not take so long.
I guess if he came back to me and said he wanted another chance, I would be so happy, but I also now know that things would never be the same, as he has hurt me alot. I guess once you lose trust in someone, it is very hard to rebuild.
I think for the moment I need to move forward, and maybe meet one of these nice guys out there, who will be ready to give me what I need (without doubts/fear). If not and my ex comes back then I suppose I can put your tips into action.
Just out of curiosity, did they work for you? Did you use them to win an ex back?
xxx :)