feeling so ALONE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
feeling so ALONE!
6
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 6:26am

hello. i dont know whats happening. 7 weeks of NC. i just want to get back with him. hel ives in another country. we were going to marry. i lvoed him so much. id ont know why he did this. we wer going to marry. he said that everydya .EVERYDAY. he mailed me a group email on new years with around 50 ppl in it. how can he act so non chalant?? he still has my pics on his FB. i dont understand. i just want him back . i do . he cheted on me. and then stopped calling. afte 1 month of going to the US. i called him and he said somethng has happened to me. i am bad for you . leave me. we eventually broke up coz he coudnt stop cheating in the new environment. but now he acts so cool. i want him. ladies, i kow i'm souding so pathetic. i just do!!! ido nt nderstand how this happened. onemonth in the US and the loving, beautiful boy i knew ( for the most part anyway)has turned into this horrible monster!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just want him back so bad. i'm so lonely. we were all each other had. i have no friends. nohting. its so depressing. i just want him to want me. and us to be together. id ont kow why he left me. like this. and act like he's done NOTHING. what do i do???i hate this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 7:30am

I know it's hard and it hurts but you need to construct a life. You need to get out and find friends and places to go. Many colleges have fun non-credit courses...or take some courses for credit. Look in your community and see if there are adult ed classes you can take, maybe some of the churches have social groups. Go to therapy and see if there are groups your therapist has...women's groups.

You are willing to settle for this disrespectful cheater whom you can't trust in order to avoid being alone. You made each other your world and now he has broken the deal and found a whole new world. You have not. You need to build a life of your own.

You can do this. Don't settle for this guy. He's a big loser. You deserve so much more. There is a world out there waiting for you. Find it.

What you are feeling is the desire for everything to go back the way it was...it's never going to be that...he broke your heart, he shattered your trust and he behaved badly. You want him so much right now that it might seem that you are willing to look beyond that but you might not be...you might never get over it.

Put a period at the end and move on. Build your life. You can do it.

Susan




"Success is building a foundation with bricks thrown by others."


GettingPastYourPast - The Blog!

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:39pm

I recommend that you start journal writing. Vent on paper. Every time you want him, write him an UNSENT LETTER. Burn it.

I'm not sure why you want someone that even if you had him would continue to cheat.

Things are not going to go back to the way they were "the loving, beautiful boy i knew" - my guess is that he hid the real him, the one that could justify cheating 'in a new environment'.

::he mailed me a group email on new years with around 50 ppl in it. how can he act so non chalant??

He might have forgot you were on that list.

::id ont kow why he left me. like this. and act like he's done NOTHING

Ok, you won't like this.... he left because he realizes he can't be faithful and because he likes having sex with whomever he's involved with. And he's not 'acting' like he's done nothing... he told you he was bad for you and now you haven't had contact in 7 weeks, so he's just staying away.

It's normal to want him back, it's normal to be lonely. It's normal for you to feel the way you do. You have to take care of you. You have to like you. Make friends, pamper yourself, treat yourself better.

I hope you find your healing path.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 7:31pm

You actually want the guy who left to be back again, before all this happened.

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 5:13am


you are right . i don't want this guy. i want the old him back. but doesn't he see what he's become?? how long wil this sexual freedom thing last?? whatkind of real happiness can it give a person??? won't a time come when he wants someone to love?? i have done so much for him - an dthere's NO guilt on his part.

actually he was like this player befor ei'd met him but then once he was with me , for 4 years he changed ocmletely. everyone commented on how dedicated he had become. looks like he's gone back to who he was. but this can't lastcan it?? no i don't want to take him back ( really!) but just - its not right to do this to someone. its pathetic to use them to do all your work and then leave them when things look good for you. will he ever get it???

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2003
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 7:03am

You have us!!!

I know it's hard and it's lonely. That is the hardest part for me to get over. Weekends were a killer because I spent every minute of them with my boyfriend. Without him I have so much extra time and nothing to do. I feel pathetic because their is no one to go to the movies with me or cook dinner for. It's just me all by myself. For some reason that makes me feel pathetic. Like I am the only single person in the world. But it isn't true.

Don't let the feelings get you down. You are a strong person. You deserve to be happy. To be with someone that won't cheat on you, won't leave you feeling so miserable. I can't tell you what he is thinking or why his is acting the way he is. All I can say is cry. Get it out of your system and then start living your life. Try something new. Staying busy helps. Surrounding yourself with people can help. Whenever you feel bad, posting on this board helps. We've all been there. We are all going through break ups, surviving them...We understand the pathetic and desperate moments, where the world feels like it has shifted on you and nothing is the same. It's hard. Together we all get through it.

Mel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2006
Wed, 01-03-2007 - 10:34am

hey Mel!

aww hugs! reading your message made me feel so good. not *alone* anymore. thisis a particularly hard time for me. my older sis just got engaged. and i'm planning her marriage the whole time thinking i was supposed to get engaged now. to the love of my love. i keep thinking its sort of my fault - that i cried too much. became too needy. maybe if i'd played my cards right . been smart and sexy . ( coz i do look good) dressed better. did my hair more often. teased him sometimes. instead of becoming a slob and cooking for himand dying to please him ....i think i'd still have him :-(. that makes me feel like s***. coz i really was a pathetic person inthe relationship.