Feeling so low right now
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| Thu, 05-18-2006 - 11:50pm |
Hey everyone,
It has been three weeks since he broke it off and I am not feeling much better than I did the first week. I almost had a total breakdown the first week and the difference is now I'm making it through the day and enjoying the little things, but I still cry at least once a day and miss him so much. I don't even know why anymore. I want so badly to feel better, and I was feeling ok tonight and then he signed into MSN and I started crying just seeing his name. This morning I finally took down the picture I had of us in my room and put it away because it was too painful for me to look at anymore. I also took the stuffed bear he gave me for Valentines Day off my bed because it bothered me too much.
I'm debating whether or not when he calls me next to tell him I never want to speak to him anymore. I thought we could be friends and he thought it was just so easy to change the relationship but I do not think this is true anymore. He hurt me so much and he doesn't even seem to notice or seem to care. And yet ... maybe like the relationship doctor said I should try, I should "break up" with him by telling him I don't want to be friends, ever. I don't know, I'm so confused and so upset. I just want to feel happy again and not care about him either way. I want to get past this so badly ...
-J

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through.
I think the first thing you need to do is delete him from your MSN buddy list so you can't see him online anymore (similar to taking the picture down), and block him as well. I know it's a difficult step (I've definitely been there!) but it's necessary.
I don't think that telling him you never want to be friends is necessary right now. If you feel that you need to tell him something, tell him you can't be friends right now and then take whatever additional steps you need to in order to prevent him from contacting you (such as blocking him from emailing or calling you). Never is a long time...you may feel differently down the road, or you may not...but with time and no contact, you'll be in a better place to decide about that once you're over him.
Sheri