Feeling trapped

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2006
Feeling trapped
1
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 2:13pm

So my marriage has been on the rocks and going down hill for almost a year now. We have discussed separation and divorce more in the last 9 months than I ever thought we would. A few things changed last spring (mainly me, growing up). We got married when I was 19 and he was 22 and I have changed ALOT from the person I was 7 years ago. He however hasn't changed at all. Anyway, I love him, and will always love him, we have two beautiful children together. I want to leave, or at least separate for a while to clear my brain and get my real thoughts and feelings in order with out them being clouded by his manipulation.

I'm feeling totally trapped because everytime I do tell him that things need to change, he either belittles the comments and says that things aren't that bad and that I'm over reacting, or some how turns it around on me and blames me (I'm bipolar, and that excuse gets used a lot by him). If he's not manipulating me that way, last weekend I thought it was gonna end, and he locked himself in the bathroom and said that he couldn't function because he felt sick to his stomach and wanted to throw up. I start apologizing for making him feel that way (because I do care about him, I just don't think I want to be with him anymore). I feel trapped, because I don't want to hurt him. The other thing is, that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to keep things civil between us. I think that we could remain friends, but he swears up and down that he would never talk to me again, or forgive me for leaving him, and that he would take our children and that would be the end of it. I'm not stupid enough to believe that he would actually get the children, but I stay because I don't want to put them through a really ugly divorce with us fighting over them. They are 5 and 2 and they haven't done anything to deserve any of that.

So here I sit, unhappy, and wanting out, and feeling completely trapped. The longer I stay in this situation, the more anger and resentment I build up. Some days things are really good between us, most days not though. I just don't know how to deal with his manipulation, and how to make him sit down and talk to me like a rational adult who can actually listen to what I am saying and accept it for what it is.
I don't know what to do, or how to handle this. Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2007
In reply to: jchica21
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 3:28pm

Suggestion one - counseling for both of you and each of you. And, maybe a psych eval for him. It sounds to me like he might have something going on but that's just an opinion from my experiences.

Suggestion two - if you decide to leave, make sure to arrange for a legal custody and visitation agreement even with a seperation... that will put your mind at ease :)

Suggestion three - you will know when the time is right, if you are meant to stay or go. Sometimes, it literally takes something falling on your head to make you see the obvious. You will know - but know this - you are responsible for your happiness. If you aren't happy then you are in the wrong situation...

my thoughts... good luck and I hope you wake up happy tomorrow...