Feeling uneasy, is it time?
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| Mon, 10-11-2004 - 7:03am |
Ive been dating my boyfriend for two years. I love him so much.
He is from Pittsburgh and I am from New Jersey. This past year we both moved to Philadelphia to close the gap on our long distance relationship.
The problem? He doesnt want to be here and I can tell.
He has a very close knit family who have all been in Pittsburgh for their entire lives. Hes the first to leave and its really hard for him. The drive is 5 hours and for me its only 2.5 hours.
Im really close with my family, ill never move to Pittsburgh and he knows that.
Im starting to feel really guilty and uneasy in our relationship. I dont want to convince him that this is where he should be. We went to Pittsburgh this weekend and everyone we encountered was pouring salt in the wounds by pointing out how far away he is, or putting down Philly for one reason or another. He would agree with them, and each time i was crushed.
I confronted him about my feelings and he said hes not going anywhere right now so I should relax, but I feel that him leaving is inevitable and I feel guilty that he is so far and doesnt want to be. Im wondering if it would just be better for us to be free and for him to have the chance to go back home. I tried to tell him this- I said, If youre going to leave then I want you to tell me because I would rather hear it now. He said he wasnt leaving but Im not convinced and im not comfortable with the whole situation. Yet, it seems when I give him the opening to break it off he doesnt want to.
I love him but when is it time to realize that this might not be right? HELP
Thanks
GammaGoddess

Over time you will develop friends in Philly and you will realize, both of you, that your life is there now. I wouldn't pressure him, he has said he isn't going anywhere right now. Just try to relax and develop interests and friendships where you are now. Good luck!
Its just hard because I love him so much that I want him to be happy and I wonder if maybe he is better off there. His family and family friends make it so hard, they just cant understand why he left. They are upset with him and I think they lay the guilt on so thick. It just makes me crazy because I just want to feel secure in my relationship and not feel guilty about stealing away my boyfriend from his loved ones.
We have both been here for less than a year and I only came here in July. So its new, but its so hard, and I just dont know what the right thing to do is. I worry a lot about it, especially lately, and im trying not to constantly pick fights about it because it isnt helping.
Thank you for your help- any other advice is SOOOO extremely welcomed.