Feels like Purgatory
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Feels like Purgatory
| Sat, 11-18-2006 - 2:51am |
I have no idea what I'm doing... I can not believe how far I've come in such a short amount of time. There are times throughout the day I just want to call my ex and ask him if this breaks really helping him...I just don't understand how he can still want to see me after HE initiated the break because of our dependency on each other. Is it possible to rebuild a friendship?? I want to, I really do, when I'm ready, but everyone tells me to forget him, leave him, and it's incredibly difficult to hear when every fiber in my body (even when I'm happy and not thinking about him) tells me that we're going to work this out. He asked me to call him Thursday (which I decided against - yay me!) and he ended up text messaging me asking me what I was up to and I gave him one word answers, none of that 'how are you, what are you up to, etc.) I kept it short and simple. The last thing he said to me was "Well let me know when you want to hang out." Again with the one word answer I replied "OK". Now, I have to tell you, this just seems so unnatural playing these games; "Don't call him, let him call you..." This is so difficult I'm not sure how long of this I can take. FORTUNATELY it has been getting a little bit easier as far as the pain and the constant thought of him. How long are breaks, and at what point do breaks become final? I feel like my situation is so complicated, but then again, aren't they always? He told me that this is a hybrid of a break and a break up....(I may have already mentioned that) But basically he says it's a hybrid because it is a break but he doesn;t know for how long. Is this really a good thing??? He has a lot of growing up to do, which he admitted he had to do...I was actually very impressed with that. How can I fight the urge to just call him or text him and tell him that I love him and that I wish we could get back together??? LORD I sound pathetic, huh? I just want to know how long do I have to wait to contact him????

From what you posted here, I think I'm confused.
::I just don't understand how he can still want to see me after HE initiated the break because of our dependency on each other.
If you are willing to still talk to him then he's really not such a 'bad guy' is he? Him checking in, calling, texting, asking you to call, is all to reassure himself that he's not the 'bad guy' in this. That if you will still talk to him etc, then what he did wasn't so bad or so mean or so whatever.
::Is it possible to rebuild a friendship?? I want to, I really do, when I'm ready, but everyone tells me to forget him, leave him, and it's incredibly difficult to hear when every fiber in my body (even when I'm happy and not thinking about him) tells me that we're going to work this out.
Two things - one you really don't want JUST friendship. You want to be in a long-term intimate, committed relationship with him, not just be his friend. Therefore until you have gotton over the pain and grief of a break up, you won't be able to be just friends without it being painful to talk to him or see him. Two - it takes two people to work on a relationship and while some space may be needed to work on the dependency issues, two people apart in my opinion can't work on any aspect of the relationship as a whole.
::He asked me to call him Thursday (which I decided against - yay me!) and he ended up text messaging me asking me what I was up to and I gave him one word answers, none of that 'how are you, what are you up to, etc.) I kept it short and simple. The last thing he said to me was "Well let me know when you want to hang out." Again with the one word answer I replied "OK". Now, I have to tell you, this just seems so unnatural playing these games; "Don't call him, let him call you..." This is so difficult I'm not sure how long of this I can take.
This is the part I don't understand... you call it playing games, then why play? You want to see him and you want to talk to him, he asks you to call and you don't. He wants to know when you want to hang out and you blow him off. Now if you are waiting for him to show up at your door and state his desire to get back together, well it doesn't sound like he's offering that and if he's not then 'no contact' is better than all of the above.
::How long are breaks, and at what point do breaks become final?
This is usually determined by the two people in the relationship. Ground rules so to speak abou thet 'break' but it doesn't sound like either of you had this discussion.
::But basically he says it's a hybrid because it is a break but he doesn;t know for how long. Is this really a good thing??? He has a lot of growing up to do, which he admitted he had to do...I was actually very impressed with that.
But again no ground rules were set, no time limit. And what is he doing to actually work on his 'growing up'? I mean that's not something that happens like turning on a switch. It's something that is gradual and happens over time.
::How can I fight the urge to just call him or text him and tell him that I love him and that I wish we could get back together???
Every time you want to call or text him, pick up pen and paper instead and write him an UNSENT letter. Tell him everything you want to say in that letter, tell him about your day, your feelings, your dreams, whatever, then burn it. Repeat as necessary.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Edited 11/18/2006 2:19 pm ET by itwinflame
Carrie
Maybe your previous posts will help someone else understand what's going on and I now wish I would have looked them up first before....
Please Help
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21402.1&ctx=128
Dazed & Confused
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21395.1&ctx=128
Carrie
Thank you for your advice, it was extremely helpful. At this point I don't think I can see him for awhile. Until then, we'll see what happens.
Thanks again :)