fight too much but still love eachother

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
fight too much but still love eachother
15
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 3:25pm
i'm 17 and my first real boyfried, my first love, and i broke up on monday. we had been together about 10 months and it was a long distance relationship because we both were at different schools in different states. we met last summer and were together for 2 weeks before we had to leave each other. the first few months of our relationship were amazing and i fell deeply in love with him. but after that, we started fighting a lot. we're both stubborn, he has a bad temper, and we disagree on many things because we are completely different people. however, we were so in love that we didn't want to let what we had go because of the fighting, and we thought that a big reason for all the fighting was because the long distance was too hard. when we saw each other during the year, we didn't fight as much, but we still did. we "broke up" and took breaks and everything during the year to see if that would fix the problem and it always did for a little while and then we would fall back into the constant fighting. we loved each other so much and tried everything we could to make our relationship work. but we both got home for the summer last week and had a huge fight and decided that we just can't do it anymore. but the incredibely hard part is that we are both still in love with each other, and even though i know this is probably the right thing to do, i don't want to. we are still talking and are going to see each other tomorrow as "friends" and he still says he loves me because he does, but that just makes it harder. but the thing is, he's stronger than me and he is dead set on making this break up for real, but i still want to be with him so badly. part of me wants to win him back because i'm scared of losing someone that i love so much, but part of me knows that no matter what we do the relationship can't work..i'm sorry, i don't really know what im asking, but i need advice. should i try one more time to save our relationship? or should i just let it go..and if i let it go, how do i deal with still being in love with him when i talk to him and see him..and all the time..please help.

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Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 1:40pm
Your plan sounds like a good one. I hope everything goes ok tonight. Let us know how it went. Remember, be gentle with yourself. You're a great person and any guy would be lucky to have you as a girlfriend.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 9:55pm
i'm sorry this is going to be really long....tonight was absolutely horrible. ok i just need to spill everything that happened. we went out to dinner (thank god at a restaurant we had never been too because that would've been too hard) and things were ok but really awkward. i was actually more nervous about tonight than i was about our first date which i was freaking out about. so anyway, dinner was weird and we didn't have much to talk about. so then we left and parked somewhere to talk in the car about how we could go about being friends without it being so weird and we couldn't think of anything. (this is another story that is a hard part of my life i'm dealing with right now and you don't have to read this cause its not really on the breaking up topic but its related. he went to the public high school in my town and then just finished his first year of college and has a ton of friends at college but also a big group of friends from his high school still. i went to a weird private middle school and now i'm going to be a senior but at a boarding school. boarding school is fine and i have a lot of friends there, but since i've been there for a few years now, when i come home i don't have many friends here anymore. i have a few close ones that i've kept in touch with but i can't just go out and have fun with them easily the way he can, and now that the summer is here and i'm home for 3 months that is starting to make me sad and breaking up with nick on top of that makes me feel sooo lonely) anyway, so after we decided that we couldn't hang out with each other's friends cause that is weird but we couldn't hang out alone, we drove back to his house. we sat in his room for a while, and he told me he understands now why i need my time and space. so we sat in silence for a while and then i got up and without looking at him, told him i was leaving but didn't want to say goodbye because it would be too hard. so i left and drove home. by the time i got home which was about 10 minutes later, i realized that i had made a mistake and should've just hugged him and said goodbye for real and gotten closure. so i called him and told him all that and long story short, he told me i should've done that but that he was already out about to pick up some friends and couldn't deal with this right now. so i told him that he was the one being a cop out and that i would lose so much respect for him if he couldn't just give me the one last thing i needed. and to my complete shock, he said again i can't deal with this, goodbye, and hung up on me. and that was the end. and i just sat in my car and cried my eyes out and i realized that he is gone for good and i have no friends to be with to take my mind off of this and i have never felt so alone. thanks for listening to all this..it's so nice to know that someone is out there.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 12:04am
oh no...he called me, explained that he had to pick up his friends cause of a commitment but called me as soon as he could and asked if he could come over to say goodbye. i was very reluctant because i didn't want it to hurt all over AGAIN, but i knew i would regret not saying bye cause i did the first time. so he came over and we hugged for a long time and i just cried and he held me and wiped me tears and kept saying i'm so sorry for hurting you. and then finally, after so long of me thinking this break up wasn't as hard for him, he started crying too and let everything out and said that he had been fighting his feelings and pushing everything off. and then....i know you're going to think i'm so stupid, but we started talking about how it doesn't seem right to break up when we're both still in love. and we talked and talked and decided that instead of breaking up, we're taking some time to think about what we really want. i know what i want. i want to be with him..but i don't know if that's the right thing to do. i feel guilty about the thought of getting back together, but i can't tell if I feel guilty or if the opinions of my friends my family and you guys are making me feel guilty because i know the world is against us getting back together. i'm just so scared now, because i love him and want to be with him and still think theres a tiny chance of making it work because its not long distance anymore and maybe that was the problem, but i'm scared that i'm going to get my hopes up and get them crushed AGAIN. i have honestly thought our relationship has been over so many times now but tonight was like final. the end. goodbye..and now everythings changing and i dont know how to handle all these emotions..help!
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 2:08am

I wish I could have replied earlier, but I was out visiting friends and just got home an hour ago. Wow! What a crazy night you've had. Your first post made me cry because you described so well how hard it is to walk away from someone you love. But then the second post was a lot happier. So it sounds like you'll try again. That's ok. Don't feel guilty about it. Follow your heart ... now that you've come to close to the end you know the pain but I think you also know that the pain won't kill you, right? Just make sure that the two of you are able to talk about what you want from the relationship and what's going to happen when you both go back to school in the fall ...

I was thinking about your lack of friends problem, and one possible solution might be to volunteer. You won't necessarily make friends, but it would be a good way to get out and meet new people. Plus, you'll feel good doing something to help other people. And it looks good on your applications for college too. It would also help to get you out of your own head and just thinking about you and him all the time. There's so many people in the world who need help with all kinds of things, and there's so many organizations that need volunteers that you should be able to find something to do for the summer ...

Good luck with the relationship and keep me posted. I'm rooting for you.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 7:10pm
krazkimcoyne@yahoo.com
--- im in the same situation right now. it is really hard to say good bye to a guy you really love and it is harder when its not what u want.
my advice is do what im doing ... now this is soooooooo hard
but dont see him
dont talk to him.
let him miss you with out getting to see you even a little bit.
let him realize life sucks without you!
be your own person
and try new things.
be happy without him.
he will wonder why your so happy and smiley- then hell know what hes missing!
you were able to live without him before you met him ,so it isnt impossible to live without him now.
i am weak too, just like you said.
my boyfriend dumpped me after 2 years!!!!!!!
then he just moved on like nothing bothered him.
it kills me to know he dosnt want to be my boyfriend any more ,,
but im not going to sit around and cry,,,
im going to learn to love myself again,,
then maybe one day he will come back to me.....
and if not hey...at least i wasnt sitting around like a loser who is weak and pathetic, you know what i mean,,,,,,,
you can tell him how you feel about him but... make it short and sweet,
and if he dosnt feel the same way,,,
all you can do is say " hey at least i tried
and some one else will love me one day."!!!
you are worth it so love your self and respect yourself always
you deserve the best and life is a long journey so dont carry baggage.love ya 25yrsold.

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