fighting the temptation

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
fighting the temptation
17
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 10:27am
I just woke up this morning with a strong urge to email him. He moved away and said he would write to better explain why he broke up with me. I know in my heart there can be no good explanation but yet I wake up each morning wondering if today is the day he has written. Still nothing and I know he settled into his new place at least 4 days ago. I've gone 11 days without contacting him and it was two weeks ago last night that he called to tell me it was over- or he thought it was over, but was "so confused" he wasn't sure what was going on with him. I know he has issues he has to figure out. I just need some reinforcement to keep me from contacting him today. Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 10:58am

Don't contact him, let him come to you. Go shopping or make cookies and give them to your neighbors.

Let him wonder.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 11:02am

this is what i have written on a post-it above my laptop:

IF I EMAIL HIM... AND HE
(1) WRITES BACK - WHAT THEN?? WHAT IS THE POINT IN REOPENING A BAD WOUND?
AND EVEN IF HE WRITES SOMETHING PLEASANT - THATS JUST GOING TO GIVE ME FALSE HOPE
AND IF HE WRITES SOMETHING NEGATIVE - THAT'LL JUST DESTROY ME EVEN MORE
(2)DOESNT WRITE BACK - IM GOING TO FEEL EVEN MORE CRAPPIER...
IF HE REALLY WANTED TO BE IN TOUCH WITH ME - HE WOULD... BUT SINCE HE HASNT
(1)I NEED TO TAKE A HINT.
(2)IM NOT GOING TO STEP DOWN FROM MY DIGNITY AND PRIDE...

stay strong -
goodluck!
eeksj

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 11:34am

You can do it! He said he would write.... so give him the chance. He is probably very involved with moving and putting off the inevitable. I'm so sorry he did this, but you are being very strong!!

Just remember, there isn't anything you could write right now to change his mind, it would either make him feel better, or piss him off, whichever direction you were thinking of going with your letter. Give him time, he did this, and all you can do is wait. But like you said, what can he really say at this point? You've got this great head start of not contacting him, just hold on k?

And if he never does write,and cowards out of it, then you know exactly where his heart is. so sorry, hugs to you, you can do this!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 11:49am

Okay, just a little trick one of my friend told me about.

At a moment where you feel strong et confident that you should not contact him, write down theses reasons, and put that piece on paper near your phone and your computer. So that when you feel like you just need to call you will have a reminder of the reasons why you shouldnt.

I'm going through a break up of my own, and I put a list of the reason why I am better without him near my phone, it help me to deal with all the confusing feeling that i have

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 7:54pm
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! I JUST GOT HOME FROM WORK AND STILL NOTHING. I FIGURE I'LL WAIT AND WAIT UNTIL THE EXCITEMENT OF MY OWN LIFE CHANGES COMING UP SOON WILL SLOWLY PUSH HIM OUT OF MY MIND. yes, of course there'll be moments in the day when my thoughts wander and I wonder about him but that's part of this thing we call life. None of us get out of it unscathed. You all seem like really good people; reading your posts made me cry, a good cry. I have the notes on my computer and they have helped so much these past 12 days. I will not contact him. He is the one who did this and he has to be the one to fix it. And if he doesn't, then it's clearly a "case of the disappearing heart"- there one day, gone the next. quite amazing, isn't it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 1:21pm

thanks for your thoughts. I've been with out contact with my X for 11 days also and i'm having the urge to call but at the same time i wan't to have no contact with him at all because i know it will hurt me even more. He lives only 10 min. away from me and i hate going anywhere because i'm afraid to see him. I don't know what my reactions are going to be when i do see him. But, i am hurting alot and feel so betrayed. Hang in there, my X also told me he was confused and didn't know what he wanted to do with life and that i should go out and experience other things (other people also). I know you probably feel like crap since you've had no contact with him what so ever but, it's probably best that you dont, because it only takes you back to the begining where you are hurt and left with all those imotions that only make you feel worse.

thanks again and hang strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Wed, 05-11-2005 - 7:49pm
THanks, and congrats on being 11 days "clean". I'm now 13 days "clean" and doing well. My emotions have been so out of sorts of course and I had to give a little speech this morning in front of a rotary club after receiving an award. I swear, I actually got choked up and was fighting back tears in front of all these strangers!!! It was surreal. I think my emotions were partly due to my sensitivity right now after being cruelly dumped on top of good ol' PMS symptoms. It was pretty embarassing but I somehow managed to get through the speech (after several long delays of me trying to regain my composure)!!!! What a nightmare. I'm gonig to try to get some sleep tonight and pretend it never happened.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 4:59pm

I don't think you should call him - What if he is just looking for an excuse to get away from you.!

Or' Maybe he just needs time to think about the relationship - and if you don't give him space to do so - he won't get that chance!

I'm sorry I dont' me to be mean and cruel - but when it comes to see the reality we do have to be very honest and realistic!.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 10:27pm
mean and cruel is right. I'm all for reality but come on now, that's pretty messed up. If you had read any of my other posts you would know better than to say something like that. Getting away from commitment or the relationship getting serious may be right, but getting away from "me" as you say after showering me with care, love and affection and then less than 48 hours later disappearing indicates something more than just getting away from me. I did nothing to make him run from me- he ran from "us", thank you very much. The Dr. Phil approach works on TV, but very rarely in real life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Fri, 05-13-2005 - 10:06am
So how are you today? Tried to post yesterday, and everytime I wrote, I started getting all long and drawn out over my own insecurities and confusion over my ridiculous temptations. LOL Today is another day though, so I thought I would say HI, and send you warm wishes from a fellow ivillager:)
Grace

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