The final straw...
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| Mon, 07-04-2005 - 6:20pm |
(Background: This has been a roller-coaster relationship and I decided to get off the ride for good yesterday. First, we got engaged. Second, I broke it off for a lot of good reasons. Third, we continued to see each other because we still loved each other. Finally, I have realized yesterday that he is never, ever going to step up to the plate.)
The final straw was actually a series of events prompted by my friend's engagement- the picture of the ring, engagement announcement, invitation to the bridal shower, a new house, and on and on. I'm happy for her, but I have been so miserable on the inside. I want the same things that she is experiencing, but I know that I never will because I didn't grow up with the same background as she did. We're like night and day. It's so hard when I'm confronted by the traditional wedding stuff because I know that I'm completely on my own. When I got engaged, I made the mistake of asking my ex-fiance's family for help with planning the wedding (I didn't ask for money, only for help). I had no idea what I had gotten myself into and sure enough, our families had a falling out. Sometimes I hate my family for being so anti-wedding, but I can't blame them and they're entitled to their opinion. I just know that I'm never going to share that warm "fuzzy" feeling that my friends talk about when they plan their weddings.
In addition to my misery, the biggest issue was that my ex managed to run up $20K in credit card debt and has thousands of dollars in student loans. I told him that I understood about the student loans, but $20K?!?!?!?!?! What in the hell did he do to piss away that much money in three short years? He is not even 30! He didn't have any major health problems or a life-or-death situation. He just burned all that plastic whenever he felt like it. He also couldn't manage to stick it out at a job just because he was so disappointed that job offers didn't fall into his lap when he graduated. He lied to me about how much debt he had. He even had the nerve to tell me that because I wasn't his wife yet, I didn't deserve to know his financial situation. Excuse me?! It'd be my ass on the line because if something happened to him, the debt can legally be passed onto ME! He also thought I wasn't happy with the money he was making, which was not the point. The point was that his spending was out of control. On top of his growing debt, I could not see us making any decisions together without his parents. For example, we would have to borrow from his parents to buy a house and they'd want us across the street from them. Being a spoiled brat as he is, he'd gladly accept their money and submit to their control. I would rather very much be by myself than be in that situation.
I can't believe that I wasted three years over this moron. It's a good thing that I already have other things going for me. I have a new career and goals, but sadly, marriage seems to be the impossible goal. I sure as hell don't want to date. I'm too angry and bitter because I have dated enough cheap bastards and spoiled SOBs. Whatever happened to sensibility?
