Finally reading the writing on the wall

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2005
Finally reading the writing on the wall
2
Wed, 11-23-2005 - 6:51pm

I broke up with my boyfriend of four years today.

It was a difficult decision. And then again, it was probably the easiest decision I've ever had to make in my life. At the end of the day, if the most important person in your life tell you that they're not sure whether or not they love you - even I can start reading the writing on the wall.

Maybe I should have seen it when everyone that's ever close to me tells me he is not right for me.

Maybe I should have noticed when he wants to change the way I dress, the way I act, or that maybe I need to clean more. This comes from a man that can't put the toilet seat down after using MY bathroom. Nevermind he can't aim using said toilet.

Maybe I should have picked up on the signals when we can go on for weeks without seeing each other, phone calls became shorter, and when we do see each other, there is nothing to say.

Maybe when he would relentlessly cuss at me when we have our arguments.

Maybe when he hangs up on the telephone and refuses to talk to me for days, and only when I call him to mend fences.

Maybe the time when he tells me he doesn't want to wait another 3 years for me to go to law school.

Maybe the time he tells me he "loves" me but doesn't plan on marrying me until I'M ready. Yet he doesn't define when he'll be ready. Or how I am supposed to be ready. Isn't it when you love someone you want to marry them, no ifs, ands and buts? You just know. I've seen enough happy couples to know what it's supposed to look like. And it certainly ain't us.

And finally, maybe when for the last time he tells me we're not compatible and we shouldn't be together anymore. Funny, had I not confronted him today, when would he ever tell me? After he found a replacement for me?

So many maybes... all this time wasted.

I feel strangely free. I don't have to wonder when he will call, why he isn't spending time with me anymore, and no more sitting there waiting for him to do anything. I'm heartbroken, but free. Because deep down, I deserve someone who loves me. I deserve nothing less.

This is not the first time I realize my relationship is in trouble. However, I know this time I will be strong because this time he has affirmed that he does not love me anymore. Nothing I say or do will change that. I will need to suck it up and regain my self-esteem. I am better than this. I am.

Now, I just need to believe it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Thu, 11-24-2005 - 9:54am

wow, what an amazingly strong person you are. you should feel really proud of yourself...you are an inspiration to all women. i don't care how "bad" a relationship is, if you've been with someone for a long time, there's always some level of difficulty to leave. and the fact that you found the courage to make the right decision for YOU, is truely amazing.

i was with my ex for 4 years(lived for 2) and he wasn't a "bad" guy, and i know he loved me sooooo much. for the most part it was a wonderful relationship, but like many relationships even though there is love, it just doesn't work. i left him, and it was a very difficult and scary decision. i wish i could say i did it the "right" way like you, but ultimately i found the strength to leave because i had found an "easy" way out(met someone else..who by the way ended up being a total jerk). because of the way i left, i had a lot of guilt and "what if's" and regrets attached to my decision which, a year later, i'm slowy but surely working through..but in the end i know, or atleast like to believe that the break up was needed even though i might have went about it the wrong way.

stay strong, and again, good for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2005
Wed, 11-30-2005 - 11:49am

I’m amazed at how strong you are, reading your story and what you said made me feel more empowered. All I can say is thank you for being one of those strong women that give the rest us inspiration when were down. And I’m sure that you’ll find someone that will love the way dress the way you act and will be considerate enough to put the toilet set down. Keep bring strong

Felisha