Finally talked to him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Finally talked to him!
6
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 1:30am

After two months, he called to let me know he's packed my things and will be bringing it over this weekend.
He was very nice over the phone and was acting like he wants to get back together, but getting back with him equals disaster. I know it and I don't want to do it.

My therapist told me that he'll either come over and hit on you, or he'll belittle you! Because he is a control freak and that I should not play his game. I just need to make sure I get everything back from his house and kick him out!

I've been all messed up since I talked to him last night. I'm getting ulcer type pains, upset stomach, anxiety, etc...

Logically, I have no doubts about how harmfull he is for me. But why do I still want him? This is sooooo crazy... I wish I could just be plain mad and hatefull. There is somewhere inside of me that still thinks he may change! ( believe me I know that's not going to happen!)

My head and my heart are not in synch! Please help me.....Tell me what's wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2006
Thu, 11-09-2006 - 3:11pm
There is nothing wrong with you! I think it's pretty usual for you to still want him, even though you know it's not going to work. I think the same thing. I'm missing my ex like crazy, even though he's emotionally unavailable and we just don't work out. I hope that he doesn't call me for a long time because I don't know if I would be strong enough not to answer the phone. I think I'm crazy too, because I still want him even though our relationship wasn't the best and I know better than to go back to that! And I too wish that I could just hate him, but I guess that's not going to happen. IT SUCKS
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 1:46am

Is there anyway he can drop your stuff off at a mutual friend's house and you can go and pick it up later? So you wouldn't have to face him? Or maybe have a friend or family member be at your house when he drops the stuff off so you won't have to be alone with him or better yet just have your friend be present in your place and tell your friend to tell him that you had some things to do and to just leave the stuff there?? You're not crazy by the way, you just need to keep telling yourself that he is not for you and you deserve better. Goodluck!

T.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 1:05pm

He finally broght the stuff over along with a dozen red roses. He said he had gone back to his homeland because of how upset he was and had spend 3 days in the hospital there for very high blood pressure. He'd only been back for about a week.

When I asked if he was planning on calling me? He said, he waned ME to CALL!!!! Although he's the one who stopped calling!

Anyhow, he didn't try hard to get back together, basically being resigned to the fact that he had messed up our relationship and realized the decisions he had made in regards to his mom and brother, lead to all this chaos. The only victim here was me!! And him too but he didn't listen to me when I tried to tell him not to enable his brother, and his mom so much. People take advantage of u as long as you let them, it doesn't matter who it is sometimes.

Now I don't know how I feel! All I know is that it doesn't feel like it's been finalized?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Sun, 11-12-2006 - 11:50pm

When you stop trying to figure out how you "should feel" and just let your feelings wash over you,

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 3:57pm

Two months is not very long after a break up. Most people are still in the "want to get back together" or "I think there is a chance we can get back together" stage. What exactly was he saying over the phone that made you think he wants to get back together? If he packed your stuff and was bringing it over, that sounds pretty final to me. Two months after my ex dumped me, I was still in love with him and wanted him back very badly but I never contacted him and I am glad I didn't. Now, five months after he dumped me, I can truly say, I will never let him back in my life ever again and I don't miss him at all. During the last 5 months I went through the hurt, confused, and anger stages of a breakup. I am starting to feel that I am through all those stages and my heart is healed and I am ready to move on and date again.

You still want him because you haven't been apart that long but don't take his phone call as anything more than him just wanting to bring your stuff over. Most men do not change for any woman and if your ex is a control freak, he will never change.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2006
Mon, 11-13-2006 - 8:29pm
I think we are all guilty of settling when it is comfortable no matter how unhealthy a relationship may be....but I always think it is better as the divorce rate in this country is so high and it seems we don't value relationships and love like our parents may have. Hang in there, I am trying to get over a broken heart now too. It is easy for others to tell us what to do, but until you feel the pain it is easier said then done.