Finally the truth...
Find a Conversation
Finally the truth...
| Tue, 05-09-2006 - 1:07pm |
I have been driving myself crazy trying to find answers to why my ex put the brakes on things so much a month ago & why he is the king of mixed signals. I rationalized that he was a committmentphop - and that made sense but now he has enlightened me to a new admission.
He took a "mental health" day yesterday off from work as he was dealing with some financial demands his ex made Sunday night. He stayed at his friends place & drank beer all day. He called me last night & we got into a heated discussion. He told me that his feelings changed for me somewhere along the line. That he simply fell out of love with me. Hearing it kicked me down hard but at least I have something concrete to deal with. I have said "no contact" to him several times & yet he kept calling, e-mailing etc. But last night it was him that said he thinks it is best we have "no contact" for awhile. I agreed. So that is that. I feel like I have been played - but that is my own fault. I could tell that his feelings had changed - and he has now confirmed it. I guess he needed to be drunk to tell me that & I think that is pretty low of him. But I got the closure I needed this past weekend & this just underlines it. I don't understand how people just fall out of love - but that is what happened for him & now I feel worse!
He took a "mental health" day yesterday off from work as he was dealing with some financial demands his ex made Sunday night. He stayed at his friends place & drank beer all day. He called me last night & we got into a heated discussion. He told me that his feelings changed for me somewhere along the line. That he simply fell out of love with me. Hearing it kicked me down hard but at least I have something concrete to deal with. I have said "no contact" to him several times & yet he kept calling, e-mailing etc. But last night it was him that said he thinks it is best we have "no contact" for awhile. I agreed. So that is that. I feel like I have been played - but that is my own fault. I could tell that his feelings had changed - and he has now confirmed it. I guess he needed to be drunk to tell me that & I think that is pretty low of him. But I got the closure I needed this past weekend & this just underlines it. I don't understand how people just fall out of love - but that is what happened for him & now I feel worse!

I wish I had great words of encouragement for you.
I've been in your situation and I don't understand how people's feeling change either. I also understand just how painful that is to hear from someone who you trusted with your heart. Just know that you will end up in a better place, together with a better person. One who loves you the way you deserve to be loved. He wasn't the one and all he did was confirm it and make it easier for you to end up where you are supposed to be.
Having never fallen out of love myself, I don't understand that process either. I think the key, at least for me, is that when I make a "commitment" - and that is the word - even in my mind, to live with someone in monogamy, all my attention and affection and love goes to them and I have blinders to anyone else, until and unless they do something so heinous as to make any sane, moral person give up on them. I take this commitment very seriously, that of giving someone my heart, and I choose carefully. So, I don't just fall out of love. And it helps that I know myself pretty well.
I believe some guys just go from woman to woman in a much more casual way, and if many of their needs are met, they stay with her for a good amount of time, until they think they see a greener pasture. That doesn't mean they don't love you a whole lot, just maybe not 110%. To me love is commitment. To my Ex, it was not. Now he sees the error of his ways, now that he has been with another woman, and he wants to come back. But the lock to my heart has been changed, and he no longer has a key. It's been "Katie, bar the door!"
hi mitchellj2004
let me be honest to you my dear please dont get mad your exbf did that bcoz his hurt coz of his exwife acting mean to him. coz for my own opinion people are like that if they feel mad to someone..they try to put it out to someone around them. TOO BAD YOU WHERE THERE!! do you understand that?
ACTUALLY I CANT BLAME YOU AT ALL. YOU LOVE THIS GUY...SO YOU ARE TOTALLY BLIND THATS WHY YOU CANT SEE THE TRUTH...WHY DONT YOU WONDER WHY THE WIFE CHEATED ON HIM!! DID YOU EVER ASK YOURSELF?
DEAR DONT MAKE THINGS COMPLICATED AND HARD FOR YOURSELF...DONT LET HIM HURT YOU MORE AND MORE....EVERYTIME YOU POST HERE..ITS SEEM TO ME THAT HIS BEEN FOOLING YOU AND HURTING YOU MORE!
I KNOW THIS NOT KINDA RELATIONSHIP YOU WANNA BE WITH...LIKE I TOLD MYSELF THEIR WIFE CHEATED ON THEM COZ THERES REASON...THEY NEVER BEEN GOOD. IF EVER THEIR WIFE FEEL SECURE I DONT THINK THEY WILL EVER CHEAT. THINK ABOUT IT DEAR. HIS NEVER BEEN GOOD TO HIS WIFE SO WHY DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE GOOD AND CHANGE FOR YOU. NOT TO HIS WIFE? DID YOU EVER WONDER THAT?
I'M ASSUMING YOU ARE NICE PERSON THATS WHY HIS DOING THIS DO YOU...COZ GUYS ARE LIKE THAT IF YOU ARE NICE AND DO EVERYTHING FOR THEM...THEY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU AND THEY NEVER BEEN SERIOUS. CRAZY RIGHT? ITS SO UNFAIR!
YOU JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO CLOSE THAT DOOR FOR HIM...SO IT WILL PREVENT OF YOU GETTING HURT MORE. COZ IF YOU DONT IT MIGHT GET WORST AND WORST.
GOOD LUCK