Finally...an EYE OPENER!
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| Thu, 07-05-2007 - 2:00pm |
I found this article about commitment phobic men and to my surprise...WOW!!! My ex meets nearly ALL of these signs. How could I not have noticed this is what was happening? Now I feel better in some regard because no matter what I did, it never would have worked out. He had told me in the beginning that he had made a lot of mistakes with women but it never dawned on me that he was a commitment phobe! He kept telling me he wanted a serious relationship and that he wanted it with me. Kept talking about our future kids. But alas, he also was forever upgrading his cars to bigger and better sports cars (right before he dumped me he was planning on buying a $130K car...NUTS!), thinking of buying a bigger house...lots of stuff. It was like he was always running to or from something. Although he had me meet his mother, I never saw her again after that initial meeting. I always thought maybe she didn't like me but actually, maybe she really did like me and that too freaked him out. Anyway...just wanted to share this link because it has really put things in perspective for me on a lot of levels. It really wasn't about me and he has serious issues that he probably doesn't even realize. (I licked my fingers one day eating finger foods and he didn't speak to me for a week. It was almost a deal breaker for him.)
http://www.relationship-remedies.com/Commitmentphobia.html
I think I can finally move on from this. Amazing how one article gives me the answer I've been so desperately looking for. I do believe I need some counseling because I tend to always find the men with some commitment issues. This one was the most extreme and emotionally damaging however.

I'd highly recommend reading "He's Scared, She's Scared" by Steven Carter. It really helped me move on after my relationship with a classic c'phobe ended--although unfortunately I didn't read it until almost 2 years into the breakup. It's also helped me recognize my pattern of being attracted to emotionally unavailable men, and that's the first step, awareness. It's an ongoing struggle not to fall back into old patterns, but I'm much better than I was.
Sheri
Oh, heck, c'phobes *definitely* do things like that, especially early on! That's pretty standard operating procedure, to engage in future talk and do things that make you think he's serious. It might be time to pull the book out again and read it if you're forgotten that part.
Sheri
Everything happens for a reason
....."What I wonder, is if someone continually tends to choose commitmentphobes as their partners, does that make them a commitmentphobe as well? ".....