finding the strength...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
finding the strength...
1
Sun, 10-16-2005 - 8:56pm
hi everyone. reading everyone's posts has made me feel so much better through all this horribleness, i just wanted to say. i always find comfort in these messages.
i think i'm finally ready to accept that it's over. we've been officially broken up for almost two months now (i did it) but sticking to it hasn't been the easiest. we have been trying to stay friends, but that isn't the easiest either. we went to a concert together on friday two hours away and had an amazing time. it was so nice spending time together again without arguing, just enjoying each other. i didn't have any expectations of him and i think that's what made the real difference. we were friends and i was glad to have that, at least. we ended up spending the night together, and unlike the other times, it felt alright. for the first time in months we held each other in our sleep. after months of sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, it was nice. we ended up spending most of the next day together too. i kissed him goodbye when i left and felt better about everything than i had in months.
i know that we will never get back together, that everything that was wrong between us is still wrong. i know that he moved on months ago and that i need to do the same. he's seeing other people and while i'm sure he cares for me as a person, he is not in love with me and never will be again. but suddenly that doesn't hurt quite so much either. i feel like i finally got some kind of weird closure the other night. and that, more than anything else keeps me from going back. i want to preserve this last nice memory of him. i know if i go back it will only hurt me. i'm okay right now and would like to stay that way. now maybe i can get on with my life and start healing for real.
my heart goes out to everyone on this board, you have all kept me from going completely insane. i just wish sometimes i could fast forward six months and see myself and know i end up okay! i just want to put all of this behind me and heal. i am so grateful to have found this place with so many nice people who all seem to know exactly what i'm going through. thank you all. =)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2005
Mon, 10-17-2005 - 8:20am
that is really wonderful news. i'm very happy for you. and even when you have a rough day or rough night, which will be normal, think of where you were just one or two months maybe even weeks ago, and you will see that even though you're having a rough day/night, that you're not where you used to be. i wish you all the best.