First big Breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
First big Breakup
6
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 7:44am
I just broke up with my boyfriend last night. It was a huge shock, he said that sometimes when he's with me, he doesn't want to be around me. This morning he called and said he "can't" love me. What? He spent new years with me, i ate dinner with him and his family. He took me to his friends house and we cuddled the whole night, kissed when the ball dropped and it was just an amazing night.
We've been together over a year. And We were in love, I know he loves me but for the life of me I can't figure this out.
I also gave him my virginity, which isn't cool. I love him, and I don't regret having sex with him because i was in love. very much so.
So now I'm taking the day off of school, it's the first day back from vacation and I couldn't sleep last night. I'm shocked, and in love. He is my first love and I feel like I will hurt forever. Deep, deep love is what I felt and still do. Will I be able to love again and find someone even better?


Edited 1/3/2005 7:49 am ET ET by loowoo16
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 11:32am

My heart goes out to you. I just broke up with my year+ boyfriend yesterday, too. *sniff* I don't know how things will work out, but I'm going with the "everything happens for a reason" line, here.

If you need some clarification as to exactly what happened, get some specific questions together and ask him about them. We had a long talk (a couple actually) and I got some answers. The outcome still isn't what I was expecting, but at least I knew how he was feeling...and that he's made up his mind...and that there's not much I can do to change things (it's a bummer, but at least I won't be trying to win him over).

Right now, you should just cry, heal and start to move on. Feel better honey!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2004
Mon, 01-03-2005 - 7:49pm
I completely relate with you! I just lost my boyfriend of 3 years a week ago and I met him when I was in my last year of high school. He too also had the impact that I am sure you feel from your boyfriend. As of right now the only logical thing to do is grieve. It helps! And have a really great best friend! I want to say that if its meant to be he will be back. My break up was also similar to yours and I think that after all you go through in the relationship you should be able to handle problems with that person. Sometimes the only way to deal with it is to try and understand what happened by talking to him. I too feel that deep love but in the end we both needed to work on things that kept us from ever really giving the best to each other. I wish you the best because I am sharing your pain and going through the exact same thing. I can only hope each day gets easier and everyday try to remember the bad things and it helps you move on. Hope this helps! I am always here if you need to talk!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 8:28pm
I've been in your shoes before. In my first real relationship last year, I gave my virginity to him and was very in love with him. Then over this past fall, we got in an argument and he told me he wanted a "break" and he wasn't really sure if he wanted to be with me anymore and I was absolutely crushed. We didn't speak for a couple of weeks and it was the hardest thing ever for me not to call him (literally a minute by minute, second by second struggle) Especially when a big drama happend with my family. But after some time apart to re-evaluate our relationship, and think about what we need to do differently. We got back together because he found out he really truely missed me, and that he wanted me in his life. Maybe your guy needs time to come to that same exact realization. If he does'nt, I know it will be hard, but seek comfort in old friends, take time to grieve the loss, then move on. He's not worth having if he does'nt even miss what he's lost. Good Luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Tue, 01-04-2005 - 9:55pm
(((Hugs)))
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Fri, 01-07-2005 - 8:37pm
I have been going out with someone for about 2 months now but i really dont like him as much anymore. We have been very intimate with eachother and he has been amazing. I thought we were in love when we told eachother that we loved one another a while ago. My feelings for him have taken an unexpected 180 degree turn. I didnt think it would happen but it did. Now im stuck with a guy who loves me but i want to break-up with him. How do I do it in a less hurtful way that wont be too mean?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2005
Sat, 01-08-2005 - 4:39pm
My bf of nearly 2 years just broke up with me today. He was my first love, and I am still in love with him. But he decided, he din't feel the same way about me anymore. I read your message and I just thought that there is no easy way of breaking up with some one. If you don't feel the same way as he does, I think you should tell him. He's deserved to know the truth. If you break up with him now, you will definitely hurt him but if you break up with him 1 year or even just a few months later it will hurt him even more. That's just my thought.