First date

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
First date
6
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 11:39am
So, I had a date last night. First date since the breakup. Last time we broke up I didn't really date - I had a couple of blind dates, but I never wanted to go back for the second date. Anyway, this guy was nice, we got along well, etc. The thing is, I can't see myself being intimate with him. Not sure why, he's not unattractive. I think maybe its because I can only see myself with the ex. Is this a common problem after a breakup? Does your attitude change with more dates?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 12:58pm
I am on the same boat as you....I was wondering the exact same thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Wed, 05-25-2005 - 4:48pm
My guess is, you are really not over your ex. And thats ok. If meeting new people make you think of your ex MORE, than it's probably alittle too soon. Just give it some time, and be upfront with any new people, that you are going slow. Maybe if you get to know a new guy you will feel a spark, and then again, maybe he's just not it. If you are trying to dive right in to push out any lingering feelings of the ex, it could backfire. And you don't want to jump in anything anyway right? (hear echoing rebound, rebound...) Take your time, be casual, and maybe you'll be fantasizing about new beaus before long!
Hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 12:18am
I am definitely not over my ex. I was hoping the date would help me get over him, or at last distract me - the last time we broke up I never got over him and was miserable for the entire time we were apart. This date kind of came up out of the blue, I wasn't really looking. I wish I could stop comparing everything/everyone to my ex. Sometime I wonder if I will ever get to the point where he isn't the point of reference for everything.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 9:12am

I totally know where you are coming from.... Heck, I catch myself doing the same thing, comparing everything and nobody seems to measure up. I do think it's good to keep trying though, it almost makes you feel more normal to at least get out there. However, not have any expectations of new love, Just good dinner or conversation. We are all looking for something majical to take over and poof the ex is gone! But alas, there isn't. It goes back to more time, and acceptance. The ex will start to fade away and new guys catch our eye and I think we allow ourselves to see new things, make new memories and new feelings will come up as if we've never had before. (thats what i'm waiting for, lol) And thats not to say we will ever forget our ex's, but we will hold them in a special place. But they don't get the main screen, main plot in our lives any more, they are flashback only, we've got this great new story to live out!

You are doing great, and being strong. One day at a time these days, one foot in front of the other, God bless

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 12:01pm
Well, also, beyond just not being over your ex, remember that in general not every guy you run across is going to have that *spark* with you anyhow. He could be smart, cute, fun, etc., but STILL not do it for you. The best thing to do if you're ready to date again (and that's the question that you need to answer first--not if you're over your ex, but if you're ready to date) is to just go into each date without any expectations at all. Really. Just enjoy each guy for the moment, don't look for something to "be there" (if there is, bonus! if there's not, you're not disappointed), and try to relax. I'm not "over" my ex either, and I won't be for some time I'm sure, but I'm having a lot of success just dating guys b/c I know what I want out of these things--fun times with a cool guys w/o any pressure on myself to find "it" again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Thu, 05-26-2005 - 2:41pm
I think I'm just nervous about the whole dating thing. I haven't dated that much recently - married very young, divorced, and just stayed away from the dating scene for several years after that. The ex was my first real relationship in a long time, and we got to know each other over the phone (since he is long distance) before we ever got together. I think that made it easier - no first date jitters. Now I feel like a fish out of water doing the dating thing. I dated a lot in my teens and early 20s, but I'm almost 40 now and its a LOT different dating at 40 than 20. But I'm trying. We're going out again next week.