first day after break up
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| Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:25am |
Today would be considered day 1 after our breakup and I am miserable.
Just to back up I have been with BF for 16 months, stood by him through many episodes in his life, waited for him. We fought yes and had great times. We were full of love. I have some jealousy issues and so does he but nothing that really ever got in our way since we were both the same it was like an "I understand because I am the same way" thing. We were growing a bit distant lately but the fighting was getting bad. He expected I put up with stuff and I finally took a stand and said enough. But we tried to get through it. We broke up a week ago then got back together. I should have guessed it was for sex but being that he didn't finish he said it wasn't. Then he left on his business trip and didn't bother seeing me the day before he left. We fought yesterday and he said it was done and he was just trying to be friends (yeah with benefits). So he is away in Florida partying it up on his sales meeting. Its not just that but his company has a policy that even spouses are not allowed to come. He told me stories and these people have massive orgies and everything. Guess he felt the need to partake and as long as he is not dating me he isnt cheating.
I am hurt and I am trying to follow the no contact rule. Its just so hard and everytime I am thinking he is doing something he is sleeping with someone, etc. Its eating me up. I know I have to move on, I know I cant contact him but its so hard. And I am an emotional mess.

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Ok... I think that NC is best for s while at least. Even if you were to reconcile, you will really need some time to get yourself together and make a list of your goals and priorities. If he's going to treat your poorly and you are going to fight all of the time - sweetie - move on.
My experience has shown me that some fights need to happen, but most are a result of a lack of communication. If you two cannot sit down and lay your issues out on the table and make sure that you are on the same page, then you are wasting precious time.
Don't worry about what he's doing... and his thing about the orgies is most likely BS. Sounds manipulative if you ask me.
Try to work through this with friends and family and those of us here who gain strength by helping others. It's hard... I'm only 2 weeks out myself today. And, I still cry and get sad and angry and miss him terribly.
I too sometimes think I want him back - bit I'm so fuzzy right now and getting up in the morning and going to my office is what is driving me right now.
Hang in there and keep us updated!
Hugs
::He told me stories and these people have massive orgies and everything. Guess he felt the need to partake and as long as he is not dating me he isnt cheating.
This would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't look back. He's doing exactly what he wants to do because he wants to and because his moral and standards justify his actions and behavior. And I knew someone like this and wish I would have seen the red flag for what it was.
Every time you think of him and what he's doing, get out pen and paper and write him an UNSENT letter, vent about it, to him, blast him, tell him how you feel about his morals, values and then burn it.
Northwestwanderer usually posts 'Thought Stopping Techniques' they can be found here:
http://www.geocities.com/breakingupishard/advise.htm
Carrie
Ok, it doesn't mean that you mean nothing, or the relationship means nothing. It just means that he's emotionally immature and hasn't figured out that life is not all about sex, flirting, hanging out with what he perceives as 'fun'.
It will get easier, though it will take time. Maybe you need to fill up some of your time with fun things too.
Sorry you have to go through this.
Carrie
Carrie
I made it half way through the day but now I am feeling it. I know he has off and is going to spend the day at disney having fun and it hurts so much. we had planned on being there and I am not even a thought to him. I called once and hung up after the first ring. I guess i wanted to see if his phone was on and it is. I know I mean nothing to this man and there is no reason to hold on but I am hurting so bad. I am trying to focus here at work but its taking a lot of effort and the pain in my chest is worse then yesterday. i have even been shaking all day. And now as I type this I am crying in my office. I am trying to change my focus I really am but its not working. I know its only two days out and this is to be expected.
I know one thing though and that is I will not take him back because if anything if he calls once he gets back it will solidify that he was just doing it to go fool around and I am better then that.
first of a big hug!!!! i've been exactly where your are. wondeing about him, whathe is doing, how he could forget me etc...
i couldnt stop shaking. you know whati did - i pretended hehad died. that its over. and that so man y pepole in the world die - one has to get over iit eventually.
then i thought back to the time in my childhood when we had moved cities and ihad been devastated. and i compared that to this. then as a child, i lost an an entire life, city, friends, school - now i've lost just ONE person . so much easier now.
i though about when i was 10. when there were no "men" in my life . and yet how ecstatically happy i was. think back on those childhood memories. where you were so content being you. content with playing with sand or whatever. as a little girl you didn't need him to live - as a big girl - you dont need him AT ALL.
when thoughts still went back to him. i just said this new person who does these silly things is not the guy i knew. that guy has died. and its ove. no poiint in crying over this new loser. i dont kow him. i wouldn't care for him. if i i saw him at a party doing all of the orgiastic things he is doing - i wouldnt even want to go up to him and say hi. this new person i dont know. the person i knew has died. lets deal with THAT than what this new loser is upto.
you can get throught this. we all did. 1s1 3 days are the toughest. i went and saw a blind friend of mine and compared my situation to hers. would i rather be blind or be dumped by a loser?? harsh questions but they make one see light.
i know this probably sounds weird - but this is how i dealt with my pain- hoe this helps. if it doesn't . say to yourself
IF I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF - HOW CAN I CONTROL SOMEONE ELSE?
in life, there's only one thing , only ONE thing that is under your control. yourself. you can't lose control over yourself. then one is nowhere.
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