first day after break up

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
first day after break up
19
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:25am

Today would be considered day 1 after our breakup and I am miserable.

Just to back up I have been with BF for 16 months, stood by him through many episodes in his life, waited for him. We fought yes and had great times. We were full of love. I have some jealousy issues and so does he but nothing that really ever got in our way since we were both the same it was like an "I understand because I am the same way" thing. We were growing a bit distant lately but the fighting was getting bad. He expected I put up with stuff and I finally took a stand and said enough. But we tried to get through it. We broke up a week ago then got back together. I should have guessed it was for sex but being that he didn't finish he said it wasn't. Then he left on his business trip and didn't bother seeing me the day before he left. We fought yesterday and he said it was done and he was just trying to be friends (yeah with benefits). So he is away in Florida partying it up on his sales meeting. Its not just that but his company has a policy that even spouses are not allowed to come. He told me stories and these people have massive orgies and everything. Guess he felt the need to partake and as long as he is not dating me he isnt cheating.

I am hurt and I am trying to follow the no contact rule. Its just so hard and everytime I am thinking he is doing something he is sleeping with someone, etc. Its eating me up. I know I have to move on, I know I cant contact him but its so hard. And I am an emotional mess.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 7:40pm
HUG'S FROM ME....sigh
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 8:09pm
going to bed soon because I just cant get through another minute of the day. I am missing my martial arts class but I dont have it in me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 9:26am

Day 3 No contact:

I am dying inside. The pain is not going away. The crying hasn't stopped. When does it get better. I don't know how much I can take anymore. I just have to concentrate on getting through the day at work. Its so hard but it seems when I go home its even harder. I am getting up in the middle of the night to see my phone to see if he text or called, i go online to see if he signed on, or to even see if he emailed me. I unconcious dreams surround him too. Its like there is no escape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 2:28pm

Try this: Set aside 'crying time' when you give in to crying. Sometimes when we give in to the pain, we spiral downward until we get a grip.

::I am getting up in the middle of the night to see my phone to see if he text or called, i go online to see if he signed on, or to even see if he emailed me.

Why are you torturing yourself? You have the power to not give him or what he does or doesn't do so much power over you.

Have you tried the 'Thought Stopping Techniques' yet:
http://www.geocities.com/breakingupishard/advise.htm


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:02pm
I did try the techniques but not working yet. I made it until now before a breakdown because we were busy in meetings at work. But I just caved and started bawling in my office. i ran to the bathroom. But i feel like someone just ripped my heart out of my chest.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:23pm

You have to keep at those techniques until they become a habit--and that usually means catching yourself and stopping your thoughts many, many times an hour. But eventually (over the course of days if not weeks) it will become habit to do that.

If you can force yourself to block him from emailing you, that's something that will help, because then you don't have to keep looking for an email. Blocking calls and texts is a good idea too although I know not every cell phone provider allows you to do that.

The basic sucky fact of breakups is that you feel awful for way too long. But it DOES pass, eventually. Hang in there.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 3:38pm

he is blocked from my emails for the emails I know of that he has. He has a couple of different screen names and emails because he has used them to "spy" on me to see how long I stay online because I do take classes online which he doesn't believe and also tried to bate me once but it was something I thought was a spam IM so rejected it.

Texts I know which are his. Phone calls- he blocked his number but can call from numerous different numbers so I never know who is him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:35pm
Gee, he basically computer stalked you, didn't trust you, and tried to bait you. I think I need to re-read your story, this guy doesn't sound very stable.


Edited 1/17/2007 4:54 pm ET by itwinflame


Carrie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 4:56pm

Good for you for blocking his emails. If he emails you from other addresses, you can add those to your blocked list as well.

And it sounds like you're just going to have to screen your calls for a while if he blocks his number or calls you from different numbers.

Sheri

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