first heartbreak

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
first heartbreak
3
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 9:28pm
My first important long term boyfriend broke up with me over a text message 3 months ago...he said he was moving with his family (hes a few years younger then me and im 19) across the country...i found out a few days ago (though i had my suspesions) that he hasn't moved, and today i heard from someone that hes dating again. all i want to do is cry. He was my first and I feel so heartbroken and hurt. I dont want him back, but now i feel like im never ever going to find anyone again. Im overweight and have issue with self esteem, and there are times when i just feel so helpless. Im angry at him, but more angry at myself for feeling this way. He hurt me and for a long time i didn't want to be mad at him, but i am. In my head i know it was a bad relationship and Im better off without him, but how do i make my heart stop hurting? how do I get over the feeling that im never going to find someone else?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
In reply to:
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:45pm

honey, i know exactly how you are feeling. especially since this is your first heartbreak, that takes a long time to get over. you most certainly will find love again but the most important thing is time. i know that's hard to hear, it's still hard for me to hear and i'm about the same spot as you are, but we will all get through this. each day will get better, i'm sure you might not notice this but i bet you are doing better than you were day one, right? you will love again, it's very irrational to think that you will only love one person in your life and vice versa, but it is completely normal and everyone feels that way at one time or another.

every time you get sad, remind yourself that he lied to you, that he took a very cowardly and disrespectful way out when he texted you to break up with you, and not only that, he lied about the reason. someone like that isn't meant for you. one day you will find someone who would never do those things to you, who never would leave you and hurt you in such a way. take care of yourself, very very good care. buy yourself some new things, treat yourself to a mani/pedi or something new and just do whatever it takes to make you feel better. you will get there...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
In reply to:
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 12:47am

Im sorry you are going through this. I agree with everything fearlesschick said.
Take care of yourself, be easy on yourself. Time will heal. Right now its normal to feel sad and mourn the loss of a relationship, even if you knew the relationship wasnt the best for you. That's my situation. It doesnt make it any less painful.

Allow yourself to go through that process- cry, vent to your friends and family, write in a journal all of your feelings, write a letter to the ex (but dont send it). Burn some old pictures. Do some type of physical activity. I know that when my first b.f. broke up with me(7 yrs ago), I took up cardio kick boxing(at the local YMCA)- it enabled me to channel so many of the hurt and angry feelings into something productive, empowering and positive for me.

After you go through all the pain, you will gain a new perspective on the relationship. You will be able to look at it more objectively and say without a doubt- "I'm glad I am not with that guy anymore, he wasnt right for me and I will find someone better."

Have faith- faith in yourself. You'll get through this and you will love again.

All the best to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to:
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 11:44am

You got good advice here at iVillage. I only want to add some reading material for you to consider:

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy – David D. Burns, MD
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse


Carrie