THE first love

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
THE first love
9
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 6:30am

ok, so i'm sure everyone here remembers their first love.

the first everything and etc etc. i've heard it takes alot longer to get over a first love than a regular ex, is this true?

and if it is true, how can a female (as overly-emotional as my first love was) just get over me like it was nothing? (she left me for this other guy she had known for 4 weeks).

it's just so hard thinking that it's OVER forever, on this note. it's so hard to get her out of my mind!

any insight to this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 8:32am
hey , I remember reading your story , I am so sorry to hear that she has done this to you, I am sure she never really wanted to hurt you on purpose , even though that is no real consolation... you must know I had a simular thing happen when I was 16 , I loved this guy and for 3 years we were never apart , we would stay on the phone just listening to each other sleep... I ended up pregnant and he ended up "being to young to take care of a child" , I raised that child myself, there were days I wouldn't get out of bed while pregnant because my heart hurt so much... I can sit here and tell you I got thru it , it was hard but , i made it thru... the no contact thing helped alot and so did family support... but , more importantly , I came to realize it hurt worse that I had lost my best friend ,and what had I done to derserve this ? nothing,but love him , all I can tell you is time changes people , and not always for the best... she probably was this sweet , loving person you remember , but , that isn't what she is choosing to be right now, and as of right now , what you see is what you get , don't keep looking at her 'potential' , do you like the character you see in her now? I will not venture to say she is a bad person , she has alot going on and is trying to find her way , it's not easy no matter how you look at it, as for getting thru this times , keep your friends close , try to focus on fun things , I still have to do it , I am on here once again 12 years later , asking questions about a different relationship , but , you know what ? I will make it thru and so will you...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 11:33am

I read your original post, and first let me say that I am very sorry to hear that you are going through this painful break-up.

Breaking up with someone you love and care about is never easy, but I think it's harder to break-up with your first love. You shared so many memories and important milestones, and were together for a long time.

From a female perspective, your former girlfriend is acting very immaturely. I don't believe that she has gotten over you. She is simply too busy with the new man in the picture to analyze her feelings and what has happened. It's possible that she will realize her mistake one day...though she may never admit that to you.

My advice to you...if after all you two shared, this is the best way she can treat you, then you need to move on. She has proven that she is not deserving of you. You may always hold a place in your heart for her, but you need to start the healing process and get on with your life. That's easier said than done, I know. It seems impossible now, but I assure you that this time next year you will be past this painful time. Right now you need to focus on YOU....reconnect with friends, spend time with family, focus on hobbies or start a new one...do anything to keep your mind occupied and do NOT contact her. Contact will only bring back all the pain and put you back to square one. I know you have a lot of unanswered questions, and sometimes we just have to accept things as they are. The answers probably won't make you feel better if you had them anyway.

I wish you the best. Remember, YOU are a GREAT guy who deserves a WOMAN that APPRECIATES that!

Kim :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 2:30pm

Hi zoey,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 5:33pm

sorry to whine about this stuff in so many posts to you guys but its just killing me.

i'm 20 years old, this is the first serious negative thing to happen in my life and i'm learning how to cope with it, but its just so hard. if you guys asked anyone about me before this, they'd say i was always smiling, always joking around. i don't have an enemy in the world (at least i think so).

i'm having such a hard time with this, it's all i think/talk about. i mean, she was even my first kiss, and first girlfriend. it just hurts that she "moved on" so quickly, as if with no respect to our relationship. she was such a sweetheart, a caring, family-oriented girl. i do not know this girl anymore.

i wasn't as talkative about how i felt in our relationship, but she saw me pour my heart out to her a few weeks ago. i feel that i will have to move on, but that one day soon she will come around! (even though she said she will never be with me ever again, i don't put much stock into that statement). i may or may not feel like i want her back by then, but i really feel like it will come. (my co worker even went as far as to say she would put money on it).

the reason i feel this way is: the way things ended were awful, i left on a good note (instead of flipping out telling her i love her and giving her roses), the fact we are eachothers first-love, and the fact that she's not a guy who just suppresses emotions forever, she's a really emotional person. i know that for this to happen i must have "NC" (no contact i think that means?). ok, thoughts haha?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 6:03pm

She jumped into another relationship very quickly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 6:13pm
i can see im going through these stages of grief, but im just waiting for her to go through them. probably twice as hard when her and this guy break up, no?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 7:21pm
Probably, but you know, everyone grieves differently. Everyone has different coping skills even if the choice is not to cope.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2004
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 7:30pm

Zoey, I can sympathize with your situation. I broke up with my ex because things were not good. We had talked on many occasions about getting back together. We had planned a trip for spring break, we were supposed to leave this Friday. I was going to bring up getting back together then but two weeks ago he told me he was seeing someone else. When I said well I guess you have moved on and I should too he paused and said not really. He told me he was still in love with me and would probably always be.

He threw himself into another relationship quite quickly, I estimate about 3 weeks after we broke up but I don't know this for sure. I have been pretty devastated by this. I had thought there was a chance he was it but I know that isn't possible now. He wasn't my first love but only the second person in my life I will say that I was truly in love with. After I understood what it really meant to be in love with someone. Love is a heavy word that I don't throw around.

I know she is leaving around the end of April and he told me it wasn't going to be long distance. So he will either jump into another relationship or hopefully take the time to process what happened and feel at least some of what I am feeling. I know I am not getting back with him after she leaves.

I haven't been doing to good. Usually it is up and down for me but the last two days have been pretty down. I have had a few good up days but they seem to be few and far between right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
In reply to: zoey15k
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 7:57pm

i really am so sorry to hear about your situation. it's tough and it hurts. alot. but hey, at least he still admitted he loved you. in my situation she loved me on thursday, and by the next wednesday she wouldn't say she love me anymore. i said "i love you" and i got no response. that really hurt, especially since she was always telling me she loved me constantly when we were together.

it hurts when they "move on" so quickly (i use that term in quotations to say that they haven't really moved on as they believe).

when i really miss her, i start thinking about how she had sex with this guy (hours after we werent together), and how, she had sex with him all that next week. and about the sexual tension while they were working together (all the while we were saying our "i love you's"), so that helps me cope.

it's so hurtful thinking, that she hasn't tried calling me yet (it's been 11 days since the last time we talked....which was a painful internet conversation). i mean she used to be calling my phone off the hook and texting me all day, and she just stopped. it's so, immature almost how she just forgot about me.