First time here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
First time here.
4
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 12:30pm
Don't really know where to start so I guess I'll ramble for a moment. I left my bf two days ago. He was a great person. I say that like he did nothing wrong, but if that were the case I would have stayed. We were living together and we have a 4 yr. old daughter. Most of the time things were great. He was affectionate, patient, gentle, and just all those things I like in a man. He was easy to talk to. When we had a problem we talked about it and always met in the middle. Except for one. One I can't fix. He is addicted to drugs. This is a part of him I thought was gone. A part of the person he "used" to be. But, this is who he still is. He'd leave me and stay gone for a few hours and come home messed up. When he got there he'd lie to me about where he'd been and how he "lost" his money. I caught him a few times and left him but I always took him back. B/c I know it's a sickness and I kept telling myself he needed me. I needed him. I still need him. Well, not really I just think I do sometimes. On Monday he called into work b/c he said he was sick. I went off to work and tried calling him all day to see how the visit to the doctor went. He wouldn't answer my calls. Finally when I got in touch w/him later that day he told me he had the summer flu and the dr. gave him a shot and he's also been sleeping all day and now he feels much better. So I head home and when I get there he's laying on the couch w/a pillow on his head. To make a long story short I caught him in one lie after another till he finally packed his things and left Tuesday morning. Now the situation at hand... He has no place to go. Nowhere to lay his head. Not my problem I know. But, I am a very caring person. He knows that. It's hard to watch someone go down like that. Especially someone I care for. My childs father. So he calls me today and ask if he can borrow my couch tonight and I'm thinking of letting him. But, I just don't know if I'm strong enough. I keep taking him backa nd he keeps doing the same thing to mess it up. I want him to leave for good this time. He's already talking about rehab but he doesn't want to do it b/c he wants to. He wants to do it for me. We all know that doesn't work. So there's no way he'll change. Who am I trying to convince, right? My question to you guys is....Do I let him stay? Am I strong enough? If he does come over b/c I'm sure he will, how do I handle it? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
In reply to: imel240
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 12:42pm
I think you are being very strong.

Personally, I don't think lending him your couch for one night is going to solve problems, just make them worse.

If you feel the need to help him, offer to lend him money for a hotel or check him straight into a rehab center. There are other places to sleep in this world besides your couch. You are being so strong and having him near will just confuse things more. So if you really feel the need to help him, I would help him stay somewhere else.

Take care!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
In reply to: imel240
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 8:44pm
I would like to suggest an ALANON meeting, really helped me. He needs to hit bottom to recover.

Good luck and take care of you and your child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2004
In reply to: imel240
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 10:18am
thanks for the advice. i didn't answer his call last night. i turned my phone on silent and went to sleep about 8 o'clock. i figured the only way i could avoid answer was if i was sleeping. so that's what i did. i'm giving up on it. i can't change him and he can't change b/c of me. so no ultimatiums...nothing. thanks for offering advice. i really appreciate it.

mel

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: imel240
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 1:55pm
I think that was a smart thing to do....and I'm glad you were strong enough to do it. You don't deserve having to put up with that and either do your kids. You'll make it through this and we're here to help. Good luck and keep us posted!!!
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