Follow your heart or your head?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Follow your heart or your head?
6
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 1:53pm
Hello-
So, I am in a relationship of almost two years with a great man--scratch that, he's the perfect man for me. He's kind, giving, we've been living together for a few months, and he wants to move to New York with me. He says he will always love me. Everyone (my family, friends, coworkers) thinks he's perfect for me, and in my head I know he is. So what's the problem?
My ex. He was also, very good to me, but our relationship was off-and-on because he's a dancer and was more focussed on that than me. When I finally broke it off, he called me after about a month to tell me he loved me. He had never told me that before. It was soul-shattering because, although I knew I loved him back, I had already met this new perfect man. I told him I was with somebody new, and then my ex and I didn't talk for several months. During that time he moved to California, and aside from two or three friendly e-mails, I didn't hear from him. Then, in August, he e-mailed me to tell me he was moving back.
When he came back, I tried not talking to him. We caught up briefly, but when we were through I told him politely not to call me again. He did, though, and frankly I couldn't resist him. We've met up a couple times, and talk on the phone daily. He continues to tell me he loves me, and I'm afraid I may be falling for him again. I have not even kissed him, but I feel so close to him now--closer than when we were together.
So if I follow my heart, I end up with the ex. If I follow my head, I stay with the perfect man. But if my heart's not in it, is it worth it? And if my head isn't sure about my ex, why would I go back? Should I follow my heart, or my head?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:12pm

COMPARE THE PROS AND CONS...WHO DO YOU THINK WILL MAKE YOU HAPPIER????

i know its hard....but think it twice before making that decision...GOOD LUCK

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 2:27pm
Only you know the answer to that--it's really too big a decision to let anyone else make for you. The only thing I can say is that you have to be true to your heart, but also, you have to wonder if things would be different if you reunited. Do you love the one you are with now?

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 3:44pm
I do love him, but it's because we've been through so much together and he's meant so much to me that I can't help but love him. I don't know if that's enough anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 4:16pm

First of all, I am a little concerned that you said you found the "perfect man" a month after your break up. Most women and men (unless there is someone else) are still healing after the 1st month or 2 after a break up and finding someone else is not on the agenda during this time. It makes me wonder if this "perfect man" is a rebound love which is never good for you or him.

If I were in your shoes I would leave both men alone until I knew in BOTH my head and heart which one is right for me. You feel love in both places, not just one.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2006
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 4:30pm

You said you feel closer to him now than when you were together, which I think is a pretty important statement.

Do you think he can keep that up? He may have commitment issues and back off again when you are available. Just a risk to keep in mind.

Do you want to give up what you have (what you think is a sure thing) for a maybe? It's a gamble you will always wonder about.

I'd vote for your head. You guys didn't work out for a reason, and it's sad to leave a good thing for something that wasn't good enough before. Maybe in time you and this guy your with won't work out and then you could try again with your ex and see if he's still interested when you're available, and not only when you aren't.

Good luck.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 10:59am
Hi-
I just wanted to say thank you for your comment, because you verbalized almost exactly my thoughts and plans. It was very reassuring to know that someone objective agreed that leaving both alone is a good idea. So, again, thank you.
On a side note, though, I don't think the relationship I'm in is a rebound love. It just doesn't feel that way. But I did think about it, and you're smart to bring that to my attention, so thanks.