friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
friends?
4
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 4:03pm
at which point do you think it is possible to actually become real friends with an ex? my bf of 2 years broke up with me recently and though i'm trying to get over it and contact him as little as possible, i miss the conversations we had and the advice he gave me. even if we dont ever get back together id like to try to be friends with him at some point so...how long do you think you can be broken up before resuming a non romantic relationship with a person?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: beg88
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 4:13pm

There's no set amount of time--it depends on how long it takes you to get over your romantic feelings for each other. However, the longer the relationship, the longer that generally takes, so it wouldn't surprise me if it took you a year or so to get to that point, and that's with no contact in the meantime.

The test: imagine you call him up to see how he's doing and he tells you all about his great new GF. Are you completely happy for him, or does the thought make you ill? If the former, then you're ready to be friends.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2006
In reply to: beg88
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 4:31pm

Being friends is definitely possible, but it's very difficult if you have feelings for them. If you still have hope of rekindling that flame, then being friends won't be such a good idea right now.

its been a year since my ex and i broke up. we had a 7 year relationship. We were first loves/childhood friends. The thought of him with another girl disgusts me. I still get butterflies when I talk to him or see him.

Even though I have another bf and know that I will never be in a relationship with my ex again, I have not completely moved on and don't think I ever will. First loves will always have a special place in your heart. Nothing really compares.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2007
In reply to: beg88
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 11:22am
Thirteen years ago, I met & fell in love with the love of my life. Problem was we were young and had no idea what we had. So, the stupidity of youth, and life at the time we broke up. He is and always will be my best friend. He is the one person I call when ever I need a freind, a kind word, or hope. We have both married other people and neither of us is happily married. And we both believe that one day we will be back together. But untill we can have each other, We settle for being best friends. So, I guess it depends on how to two of you view your relationship and how well friendship will work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
In reply to: beg88
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 10:17pm

How soon before being friends: Depends on how deeply ingrained you two were into each other's lives and hearts while you dated. Definitely not anytime soon for you at this point since it sounds like you're still in love with him, so until you take some time for that to settle down and change over into a different type of love, then friendship is going to be very difficult indeed. Give yourself at least a few months to get a good chunk of him out of your system, you really are detoxing from the chemicals that are released in the brain when you're in a relationship. The more intense the relationship, the stronger the "addiction" to the chemicals ;)

Big major hint: Youv'e got to let him miss those conversations, too.

Good luck,

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