friends in 48 hours????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
friends in 48 hours????
5
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 9:14pm
This is the first time I've done anything like this, but am hoping to get some advice. My boyfriend of over a year just broke it off with me this past monday for three reasons "There are just not any sparks between us anymore," "I don't miss you as much as I used to when we're apart," and the ever subtle "I'm not happy with you anymore." After laying these lines on me, in the crowded bar we were in, I began to feel very sick. Since he had broken my heart a couple of other times I decided that this was it. I got the bill from the bartender, told him I couldn't stay one more minute with him and left. He tried to get me to stay, saying that he still wanted to talk but I thought he had said plenty. Now he is sending me text messages wanting to stay friends "even though you and I both know that our relationship is over for good" two days later! Does he really expect me to forget everything he's done and said to me, and just go be good chums now? In two days! Yeah, maybe in a few months or something. I still love him, but seeing him and just being friends would be so hard. I'm so angry at him for doing this, for saying such hurtful things. I want to call him but deep down I know it would just be wrong considering I told him that I was through with him for good and to leave me alone. I don't know what to do or where to go from here, I still love him but I'm so hurt. Please help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 9:31pm
IMO, its pretty darn impossible to be friends that quickly. You need to heal from the split, and he needs to be without you to see what he lost.
Your feelings for him arent going to go away that quickly, and if you stay "friends", it can lead to potential problems.. ("accidentally" kissing etc), and it will confuse you even more.
Be strong and try to stay away from him!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 9:43pm
I don't claim to understand why it is, but I see over and over that guys want to act like everything's okay and normal way earlier than women do. Maybe this is mostly a factor when they were the ones doing the breaking up. After all, he had a chance to think about it beforehand and you're still in shock, right? I understand because I'm kind of in the same boat. A friend told me something today that made sense - she said that he's probably wanting to act like things are normal and "okay" as a way to cope, rather than facing the full repercussions of what's going on. I'm sorry to say this, but your guy is acting like a real jerk, and you should treat him like one by staying away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Wed, 11-24-2004 - 11:08pm
I agree. When my ex contacted me a week after he broke up with me, I was devastated. I think the no-contact makes the healing process so much easier because you don't want to hear that he's having a good day or he's moving on with life - it'll only make you more miserable. I'm trying to follow my own advice - I'm fighting the temptation to IM him. I deleted his screen name but I've been guilty of typing his screen name on my buddy list just to see if he was online, then deleting it. It's not good for me - I should just let go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 6:38pm

The fact that he broke up with you in a bar speaks volumes about his character, he doesn't even care enough about your feelings to do it in a private place. Not that any break ups are good or at a good time but there is a thing called tact and respect which he is lacking.

You are smart to realize you cannot be friends right away, it will cause problems, just read some of the other posts about women who have done so. Do not call him, if you want to (and we have all wanted to) call a friend and talk through things or even just post to this board and vent, it will help immensely and calling them usually proves to be a very bad idea. You need time and space from him, if you dated for over a year it will be a while before you can look at him without having feelings so don't try to rush that process. He needs to repsect your boundaries and he is not doing that by calling you. I would recommend just not talking to him but if it will give you closure, the next time he calls just say very firmly that you don't want him to do that anymore and that being friends is just something you cannot do right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 11-25-2004 - 11:49pm
I don't think you owe him anything. I truthfully could not stay friends with someone who broke my heart so bluntly. If you want him to quit contacting you text him back to Stop....tell him you don't want to be friends and if he continues to text you, get the number changed. If later on you decide you want to be friends....you can try but you shouldn't feel obligated to. Good luck and keep us posted!!











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