Friend's breakup is worrying me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2006
Friend's breakup is worrying me
2
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 6:23pm
I need some help with a friend of mine. She's been very depressed for the past couple of weeks. Her boyfriend broke up with her about 3 years ago and she recently found a letter that he had written her in an old purse, she had never read it until now. This letter caused her to go into a deep depression. She admitted the other day that she thinks she's obsessed with her ex and daydreams all day long about them still being a couple. She compulsively looks at his internet blog. It is really mentally taxing talking to my friend because nothing I say seems to be helping. She refuses to get any help because of a job she's trying to get(she thinks it will look poorly on the background check if they see she is on anti depressant meds or seeking counseling). Do you have any ideas on what to do? I live a pretty long distance away from me friend, so travelling isn't possible right now. I feel like I'm not a good friend because I just get tired of talking about the ex and hearing about it. It's scary to think the obsession may be getting out of hand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 11-10-2006 - 8:11pm

She's making excuses to avoid help because she likes just where she is....it serves a purpose. Next time offer her a few books (see list below) and tell her 'I can see he means more to you than your own mental health and I'm unable to watch you deteriorate so either we talk about anything but him or we stop talking, what's it gonna be?' You could always send her to iVillage for a look around.

How to Break Your Addiction to a Person by Howard M. Halpern
Obsessive Love by Susan Forward


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 11-11-2006 - 10:02pm

I'm not sure from your post if she has been like this off and on for the past 3 years or if this is a recent development. If she has already gone through a grieving process then she is most likely using the breakup as an excuse for her depression. It might be a good idea to do intervention. Do you have mutual friends? If so call them and discuss this and try to get them together for a serious talk with her. You can also make the point to her that she will most likely mess up the important job she wants in this state. But also consider that she may have shut her emotions out when she went through the breakup. Many people that suffer a loss and don't deal with it get hit really hard later in life. It happened to me and my closest friend and I've definitely heard of this with a lot of other people as well. Maybe she is actually making a breakthrough at this point. Its kinda hard to tell - just thought I'd throw out all the possibilities.

One Little Ladybug
One Little Ladybug