Friends with ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Friends with ex
4
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 8:16am

It's been 3 weeks now since the breakup and I am feeling remarkably good, although weeks 1 & 2 were dreadful. The relationship, if it was that, was short lived, probably just 2 months and we were great friends to start off with, and never even defined whatever it was we were venturing into. Unfortunately sex complicates everything and I didn't even realise how much emotions I had invested in this until he told me that he was still in love with his ex. I can't compete with that, and withdrew complete contact from him so I could heal. Unfortunately we did see each other again in week 2 and that sent me back into a bad case of relapse and endless tears. He wants to remain friends and part of me would like that as well, because there was true friendship before all of this chaos. Anyway, we are meeting up again sometime in the next couple of days. I am just wondering how you wonderful gals on this board have found the situation of remaining friends with your ex. Good, bad, do-able or just completely insane?

Thanks muchly!! And this board has been wonderful, just knowing that everyone has gone through all this mess and you are not alone.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 11:39am

I've had it work out quite well in situations where there wasn't lying, cheating, or similar issues. You need to take some time apart with no contact and make sure that there are no lingering romantic feelings before reconnecting as friends, however. Given that you saw him recently, I'd cancel the scheduled get-together, and take at least a month with no contact whatsoever before you think about trying to reconnect as friends. It may take longer or that may be enough time. The test: if you think about him telling you all about this ex he's still in love with and you don't get upset, then you're ready.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Sun, 08-19-2007 - 1:13pm

The friendship thing with the ex isn't for me. What we had was a package - friends AND lovers. It wasn't enough for me to have one without the other. Besides, I have plenty of friends and THEY would never hurt me the way he had!

I don't know you can truly be friends unless all the other emotions you once felt for him are not longer there.

Good luck! Let us know what you decide.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 6:55am

Hi!
Reading the problem of yours occurs to way i am now.Being with your ex, after the sudden break up at the same time they wanna stay as friends.For me it was a way for them to hide their guilty and pretend that it was ok for them.I was having the same feeling, even how dearest they are when we are couple,once they do such a things to leave us.I wouldn't sure I can be friend with him as normal he want it to be.

But its ok that we are at this part of sadness.It is part of way in forgetting them.I'm watching tv on motivations side after 3 weeks of my breakup where it says" every sadness will create time of healing" it is part of our life to face it and the way it is suppose to be is by accepting it everyday till it finnaly gone.Maybe 1 year can be healed in 1 month and etc.

Its killing us to see them always, as suggested by our friend:) we better be away and not seeing him often just like I do right now.Even one day I will have to meet him again:(
This is to help us healing.Good luck for all of us..To healing :)

xirtnesi

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2007
Mon, 08-20-2007 - 10:05pm
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Edited 8/26/2007 1:07 pm ET by feralakodon