Friends with an Ex?
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| Thu, 11-11-2004 - 2:00am |
I dated a guy for about 6 months...it was great at first but as time went on, we realized how not right for each other we both were. But we enjoyed each other's company so much and had a lot in common so neither of us broke it off...we just kinda backed off. Only problem with that was that at times we would get close and it would confuse us...mostly me. Also, he was still into his ex and although he was honest about most of it, it just messed things up.
So...about two months ago...I told him I needed a break and he called back two days later and said let's just take a break forever. That really hurt, although he was right...it was best to just make a clean break. For the past two months, it was horrible at first...I went from talking to him everyday...even though I knew he just wasn't into me and I wasn't really all that much into him either...to never talking to him again. It was awful!!! After a month or so, I started to get over him and sent him a "good-bye" card and started to live life again.
Well...he called me last week. We went out to dinner last Sunday night and again last night...he's helped me around my house so much...hung up pictures, fixed a light, fixed my tv remote, etc. He's always been great at that stuff and he loves doing it. Nothing has happened between us since we've gone out again...and it's only as friends now. I like it a lot. I think I can have a friendship with him...especially because his life is exactly the same as it was two months ago...same crap with his ex, etc. I'm SO not into getting involved again because I want to meet someone who's perfect for me. I just am really glad that we're friends again and spending time.
So...what do you think? My friends say that I'm crazy...that we'll become physically involved again and that I'm stupid to think that we can just be friends. I think we can. Yes, there is an attraction there...how could there not be?? But I don't want anything more because I was so hurt before. Can we just be friends?

I still have deep feelings for him and know that seeing him would just flare up those feelings.
I am pretty certain that after all of these months there still is a strong physical attraction to me on his part. Dangerous waters as far as I am concerned as I might not have the willpower to resist and I am not doing the 'friends with benefits' deal with him.
I can't disassociate the friend from the lover. To me he was one and the same and I just can't compartmentize those two aspects. I can't think of him as being my friend without thinking of him as my lover.
I am in no way ready to hear about any relationship or dating he has been involved with.
I would over-analyze every word or action on his part as I am still too emotionally attached.
I am able to keep in touch through email every now and then. Honestly, it would be nice to have someone to see a movie with or grab a bite to eat with on occasion -- but I know in the end it would not be in the best interest of my emotional health.
take care
Sheri
I'll tell you a little bit about my situation with my ex. I talked to him for a good 6 months before I'd even go on a date with him...so we knew each other really well. We went on our first date and had a great time so we became exclusive shortly after. We dated for about 6 months. We had a great relationship and we never fought...we were just really good together. Then one day I called him at work and he was in a grouchy mood and as soon as I got off the phone he sent me a break-up email!!! I was so mad because we had just got off the phone and I couldn't understand why he couldn't have told me on the phone. Anyway we talked a few times and his excuse for ending things was that he was working so much and he was going to have his son for the summer (like always) and he didn't have enough time to give me the attention I deserve. I thought at the time that it was a pretty lame excuse. We knew we wanted to be friends but didn't know how. We took a month or so without talking or anything and one day out of the blue he called and we started a friendship. We tell each other every thing and I couldn't imagine my life without him. It's so great to have a friend that knows me so well. And he has admited the real reason for ending things....he was unhappy with his life....he hated his job and where he lived even though his house was awesome!! He said he knew he would be moving away soon and he has no faith in long distance relationships...and sure enough he did move shortly after the break-up but we still keep in contact. He has told me that breaking up with me was one of the biggest mistakes he's ever made but we've both moved on and he's planning to come visit me and meet my bf.
So I have faith that if you both really want a friendship....you can have one!!
Good luck and keep us posted!!