Is friends possible, or rediculous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Is friends possible, or rediculous?
2
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 12:09pm

I've been broken up with my ex of 5yrs (lived together for 3 of it) for about 9months now. We hadn't talked in 5mos and then saw each other a few weeks ago. He said he wanted to get back together. But then the emails and calls I got from him after showed no further effort for this.

Then, we saw each other last weekend and he tells me that he has a roommate now who is a girl he dated after we broke up. He assures me that it's platonic between them, and that he only did it bcs he had to get out of his other living situation quickly, but for some reason I felt very betrayed when he told me. I guess I thought we were both living on our own dealing with this. It also bothers me that I barely talk to him and this girl gets to spend time with him every day. And he tells me that this girl is "jealous" of me bcs he talks about me or something, which makes me wonder if she wants more from him or something.

Also, when we saw each other last week, he indicated that there might be something else he did while we weren't together that I might not like. But once I inquired further, he said that maybe we should just try to be friends since friends dont' care about that type of stuff. I've done some things he probably wouldn't like too, but nothing I'm ashamed of.

So now I'm torn. I dunno if I should try to be friends with him. We have a long history together, so I don't want him out of my life, but it's like he doesn't seem very sure of what he wants and it hurts me when he tells me stuff like the roommate thing, and I'm not sure how much more of that I can handle.

I want to be with him again, so I'm not suer if "friends" is just a way of allowing him to not make up his mind bcs part of the reason we broke up was bcs he was afraid of commitment. And I've told him that I want someone who is sure about me and would be willing to make a commitment. I'm in no rush to get married, but I'd like to feel that the person I'm with that long feels like there's a future for us.

HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 12:28am
You said that you broke up over the whole commitment thing, what brought that about? An incident or a conversation? Up until you saw him, how were you feeling? Friends, Im not too sure about that. You both were together for a long time, I think both of you will always be in relationship mode with each other, especially after your last couple of encounters. If you really do want to get back together than that is great, but just be a little cautious on where you do stand. You don't want to be back in this place in a couple of months, breaking up over the same issues.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 2:23pm

Hi kit_grrlll,


-- but for some reason I felt very betrayed when he told me.


-- I guess I thought we were both living on our own dealing with this. I


-- it also bothers me that I barely talk to him and this girl gets to spend time with him every day.


-- And he tells me that this girl is "jealous" of me bcs he talks about me or something, which makes me wonder if she wants more from him or something.


All those things tell me that you aren't ready to be 'just friends' with him. You've not finished healing completely and still have some grief to deal with, JMO.




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