friends..contact..help

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
friends..contact..help
3
Wed, 02-16-2005 - 7:06pm

this is also on another board, sorry if youve seen it twice.

you guys have been helpful, and right now im severely hurting...i posted my story not long ago.. i am so in love with my ex boyfriend of almost 2 years who broke up with me 3 weeks ago. i did the no contact thing for 9 days and it seemed to be working okay but then i caved. i called him and we talked for 5 hours on the phone and that made me miss him soooooo much, so the next day i went to see him. i was in a lot of pain. i dont know if it was because we didnt talk for so long and then i missed it when we did. or if i was hurting because i wanted to be more than friends. and it was weird not to be able to touch him.

1)its so hard for me to move on because he said that right now he just needs his space, but hopes that in a few months we can get back together, but it isnt certain. how on earth do i move on knowing that??? plus we live in a small town and i will see him sometimes.

2)i have no idea how to figure out if it will hurt more having him out of my life completely, or if it will hurt more being only friends when i want so much more.

everyone who has anything to say at all, please help.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 2:21am

Some thoughts:

1. You can't hold on to hope...you need to move on, because the chances that you will get back together are small. Even if you do get back together, you will be in a better emotional position if you have started to move on, because you'll be more objective about him.

2. From experience, I can say for sure that the first is better, because at least that way you WILL feel better eventually. With trying to stay friends, you won't. The pain won't stop and the healing begin until you cut off contact.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 10:43am

"1)its so hard for me to move on because he said that right now he just needs his space, but hopes that in a few months we can get back together, but it isnt certain. how on earth do i move on knowing that???"

By deciding that you aren't going to allow someone else to decide whether or not you have a BF. What's going to change in a "few" months? It's easier to move on when you stop sugar coating it in your mind and say to yourself that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. You should never have to convince a guy that he wants to be your BF.

"2)i have no idea how to figure out if it will hurt more having him out of my life completely, or if it will hurt more being only friends when i want so much more."

The latter. Having him out of your life will hurt until you move on. Then when you've found a new/better man who wants you, it won't hurt having him gone. Staying friends when you want "so much more" will hurt every single day. Betraying yourself by settling for scraps of what you want will rip your heart out. You'll begin to scrutenize every word he says, fool yourself into believing things that just aren't true, and live in a fantasy, only to get crushed again and again when you don't get the outcome you want. Do you think you can be "only friends" with him when he starts dating other girls? Why do that to yourself?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Thu, 02-17-2005 - 11:01pm
If you ever want to attempt a friendship with your ex, you need to go back to no contact!
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