frustrated :(
Find a Conversation
frustrated :(
| Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:36pm |
Hi all,
heres my story: dated my guy for 6 months. During this time, spent lots of time together, he called all the time and wanted to see me all the time. We got along exceptionally well and he discussed wanting a future with me and how I have all these qualities that he's never found in his exes. But he's also a HUGE flirt and saw no problem with hitting on girls during boys night outs just for fun as long as it doesn't go anywhere. i didnt like it. I asked him several times to stop, saying I wasn't the type of girl who can deal with that. he toned it down but didn't stop completely saying i needed to understand it was totally harmless. i finally couldn't deal anymore with feeling insecure anytime he went out his friends so I broke up with him a month ago. he also kept a dating profile up while we were together. he told me about it and said it was just for fun and he would never mt anyone off there. The thing is we both miss each other a lot and he's been calling all the time, reminding me of all the good times we had...he thinks im just being silly and stubborn. he still doesn't get it. he says he wants to fix things but he doesn't even understand the problem. im so sick of explaining it to him. why do i like someone whos so dumb? doesnt his behaviour imply hes not ready for a relationship?
heres my story: dated my guy for 6 months. During this time, spent lots of time together, he called all the time and wanted to see me all the time. We got along exceptionally well and he discussed wanting a future with me and how I have all these qualities that he's never found in his exes. But he's also a HUGE flirt and saw no problem with hitting on girls during boys night outs just for fun as long as it doesn't go anywhere. i didnt like it. I asked him several times to stop, saying I wasn't the type of girl who can deal with that. he toned it down but didn't stop completely saying i needed to understand it was totally harmless. i finally couldn't deal anymore with feeling insecure anytime he went out his friends so I broke up with him a month ago. he also kept a dating profile up while we were together. he told me about it and said it was just for fun and he would never mt anyone off there. The thing is we both miss each other a lot and he's been calling all the time, reminding me of all the good times we had...he thinks im just being silly and stubborn. he still doesn't get it. he says he wants to fix things but he doesn't even understand the problem. im so sick of explaining it to him. why do i like someone whos so dumb? doesnt his behaviour imply hes not ready for a relationship?

No, not necessarily...but it does mean he's not ready for a relationship with YOU. The two of you have different perspectives on what's acceptable in the context of a relationship. Neither of you is right or wrong (although I would say more people think like you than like him, but that doesn't make him "wrong). However, you're definitely not compatible in that respect.
He's never going to "get it" because he can't understand your POV and you can't understand his. Best thing you can do is stop taking his calls and move on.
Sheri
"..doesnt his behaviour imply hes not ready for a relationship?"..
as sheri noted, its not that hes not ready for a relationship - rather, its just that hes NOT compatible for a relationship WITH YOU.
there may be another girl out there who doesnt mind their bf flirting with other girls.. but its not you... and there most certainly other men out there who believe that flirting with other women when unavailable is inappropriate .. unfortunately, he's not your ex.
so basically, your left with two options:
1) you accept him, and leave the issue be... don't let it get in the way of your relationship again. you must FULLY accept it.
2) and if you cant do the above, then you must cut it all off... stop contact with him, and move on with your life to find someone who DOES MATCH YOUR NEEDS.
my two cents,
best of luck -
eeksj
Northwestwanderer and Eeksj,
Thank you both so much for your replies. I know you're right, I'm just trying to be strong enough to cut off contact like I know I should. I know I'll never be able to accept his behaviour but its hard to sever ties when he keeps saying he wants to fix things. But even if he were to, i know it would be just a temporary thing because this is the way he is, the way he's always been. He still wouldn't understand my point of view at all. Ah well, back to single life...
ps. northwestwanderer, you probably don't remember but you were so helpful 2 yrs ago when i first came on this board. I had just broken up with my long-term bf after he decided to listen to his parents and get an arranged marriage. your NC advice was the best I could've received and as hard as it was to stick with, I did. Anyways, I just wanted to thank you for your kind words and excellent advice at the time :)
Oh, you're welcome, I'm glad it was helpful. Sorry you're having to go through another breakup...I just got through another one myself...they are no fun, that's for sure!!!
Sheri