Gay and Cant Let Go
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| Wed, 07-19-2006 - 9:29am |
I am an 18 year old gay woman. My partner and i have been going out for a year and a half i am in love and always will be and i know this is true because she has cheated on me three times and i am still with her....well was until today, today was the last straw.
I will start from the beginning i started going out with Kelly a year and a half ago, in the first week of our relationship wr had a little get together at Kelly's house there was my bestfriend Kelly's good friend Kelly and i. We were drinking and while my bestfriend and i were dancing Kelly and her "good friend" kissed on the couch right infront of me!!!! We had a big argument but we stayed together.
The next time i was in Perth and she was in another town to work and until about six months ago i found out she had kissed the same girl she kissed the first time! Whats worse is her excuse was " We were just seeing the difference between kissing girls than kissing guys" Anyway we got over it.
Then about three months ago we were having a get together at her parents house, to cut a long story short the next thing i know im hearing " I dont love you anymore" i was upset and distraught, I was packing my bags Kelly was in the shower, next thing a different friend of hers went into the bathroom, the shower turned off and the next thing i herd was " Im not your type, really, im not" I walked in there was Kelly kissing another one of her friends.
Not long after Kelly and i started dating Kelly introduced me to a friend of hers, but before i met this friend Kelly said " I hope she doesnt hit on me" I asked why? Kelly said " Thats just the person she is" Im like....ooookkk. I met this chick and everything was fine then until recently Kelly has started going out and drinking with her whenever im not there, and of course i was a little bit suspicious but let it go, then lastnight i found out Kelly slept in the same bed as this chick, she swears nothing happened but i dont care to me that is crossing the line i dont know if im right or not but i called it off.
But despite what i have said Kelly and i have had so many good times together I love her and she tells me that she loves me all the time, she takes care of me, she would go to the ends of the earth for me,anything i want she gets....to an extent of course, and so much more, and its because of these things i love her so much. Everything reminds me of her whether its a song or a certain dish of food. I miss her smell, her kiss, the way i feel in her arms when she cuddles me, the feeling when she is sleeping beside me i feel safe and loved. And it hurts to know that i will probably never feel that again from her, i mean i could almost get anyone to cuddle and kiss me and what not but not from her not the way she does. I want to move on because i dont want to get hurt anymore but i love her so much i dont think i could live without her i dont know whether to move on or forgive her. I want so much to forgive her and move on but at the same time i want her to stop what she is doing. I dont know what to do.

I'm sorry you're going through such turmoil with your girlfriend, but honestly, I don't think it's going to stop.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. There is nothing worse then being hurt by someone we love.
I’m certainly no relationship expert, but I have one hard and fast rule – if you cheat, your gone. People don’t accidentally kiss or sleeps with someone else, when they’re suppose to be in love. People, who truly love you, want the best for you. They don’t continually hurt you.
I know it’s hard to think of never being with someone you love again, but how many chances can you give someone to hurt you. At some point you need to protect yourself and move on.
And yes, even while I'm still hurting I do believe there will be someone better out there. Try to be strong and remember there are people who are here for you.
Kathy