Get him out of my head
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| Fri, 11-16-2007 - 8:42am |
First, I want to thank everyone on this board who has given me advice and support through what I can only call 2 weeks of Hell. I really appreciate it...
I am wayyy better than I was 2 weeks ago (when he first broke up with me). It is true, time does help to heal. Though I can think of him without feeling the urge to breakdown and cry, I still hurt and miss who he was and what we had. However, I know the person I miss isn't the person he is now. Though I am healing- making new friends, making new hobbies (and rediscovering old hobbies), and reconnecting with family and old pals, he is still constantly on my mind. Some people think I'm dwelling on it and that I should stop thinking about him altogether. Easier said than done right? They say my 5 years is insignificant to the years spent by other couples, etc. etc. However how am i supposed to bounce right back after 5 years? For that time period he was my life (which I now know is really unhealthy and for my next relationship I will try to find a good balance). Throughout those years, he was always on my mind. So now, I find he still is always on my mind. I find myself wondering what he's doing (or who he's doing- sorry for being inappropriate but this thought still pains me) and if he ever thinks of me. I went on his myspace awhile ago (bad idea) and found that he made friends with a girl that he knows i hate and a new girl that I have never met before. I haven't spoken to him nor have I seen him since we made our breakup official 2 weeks ago. I am ready to move on but I can't because thoughts and dreams of him still haunt me.
How do/did you guys stop constantly thinking about him?

Hey ming_88 -
I'm glad you're doing better.
Just try really hard to not check his myspace. It's pure torture! I used to check my ex's facebook and myspace thinking I would see something that would indicate he wasn't over me. But instead I see pictures of him at parties, other people posting messages, etc etc. It's a fake connection and it's not real. It's just torture. Think twice before you click on his profile. Think, "Do I really want to see his page knowing there's a 98% chance I'll probably find something there I don't like?"
And don't be so hard on yourself. 5 years is a looooong time! Of course you're going to think about him non stop. I was with my guy for 2 years and it's been 3 months since the break up and I still think of him every day. But these 3 months created a sort of separation that my thoughts of him aren't as strong and don't make me so sad every time I think about him. I am still sad. i still cry like once a week, but I find that it's natural and it's better to let it out than not.
Let yourself think about him, but keep doing YOU - get back in touch with your friends, do extra activities, read a book, continue doing everything you are doing. And everytime you have a thought about him or you feel the need to vent, write it down somewhere, or call one of your good friends who's willing to listen. I guarantee you'll feel better after.
So occupying yourself, and consciously realizing that you're doing all this SOLELY for yourself, you will find that you think of him less and less and the thoughts don't trigger emotions of deep sadness. You just have to put faith in time.
This past weekend I went out on Friday night. And Saturday morning I realized, OMG, I didn't think about my ex the entire time I was out last night. It was a good feeling.
Your ex will be in your thoughts, but as time passes and you continue to do your thing, you'll realize the thoughts fade away.
Don't fret and you'll make it!!
Hey girly! 5 yrs is really a long time being with someone. This is not the end of your life...don't give up!! I don't blame you for thinking of him. He was part of your 5 yrs! How would someone you gave your all, just let you go??!!! I advice you to not check his myspace, anymore. Being curious is not a good idea right now.
Hi Ming_88,
Try this: Thought Stopping Techinques