Getting her back

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2004
Getting her back
2
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 7:54pm
OK, I've posted on here a few times before and I am glad that I got some good feed back. Just a short rundown again for those who do not know. Me and my ex fiance were together for 6 yrs. A day after Christmas she broke up with me and started talking to someone in MN who comes to Wisc. Rapids every now and then because it's where he grew up. She lives at home with her parents and doesn't have a job and hasn't for pretty much all of our 6 yrs together because of her panic attacks. I have stuck by her side through everything. She has brought this guy who is 35 and recently divorced over to her parents house to watch movies and hang out. All I did after the breakup was cry and try to convince her that she was making a mistake and that she would realize it when it is too late. Her whole family thinks she is crazy too and from what I hear from her sis is that she is getting really annoyed that everyone is not supporting her. She still wants to be friends and was calling me every once in a while. The past two weeks I haven't answered her phone calls at all and she is calling like every other day and when she heard that I was "talking" to someone else she freaked out. She has a lot of insecurities and no self esteem and I was always there for her no matter what because I loved her. She kissed a couple guys while I was in Iraq and when I found out I was devastated and things went downhill from there. She says she doesn't love me like that anymore but I, like her family and close friends, think she is running away from something which she will never outrun. She doesn't think I will ever forgive her or trust her again and she said that because she cheated she must not love me as much as she should which I think are just excuses.
I know the situation sounds bleak for me but I am doing one more thing to make her realize what she is missing and I wouldn't mind some feedback on what you would do or think if a guy did this for you. Or if you think I am nuts. It will be about a month since I talked to her or she has heard anything about me. I am sending her some calla lilies (her favorite)along with a taped recording of three songs; "the one" by yellowcard, "the scientist" by coldplay and the song that Adam Sandler sings at the end of the Wedding Singer to Drew Barrymore called "I want to grow old with you" which is one of her favorite movies too. I am going to write the lyrics on some special letterhead and frame it along with a personal letter. If this doesn't bring her back I don't know what will. In which case I will have to tell her that we can no longer be friends or anything because I will not be able to talk or hear about her and some other guy(s) or how good she is doing. It will kill me too much. So what do you think? Is there something I could add to this? Thanks for the replies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 8:36pm
I think this gesture is very sweet...although I'm not sure if it will work or not.
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2004
Mon, 01-24-2005 - 9:31pm
Well, let's see. She's immature, insecure, needy, and dependent. She's so desperate for attention she's cheated on you. She's overlapping relationships because she hates herself so much she can't stand for a minute to be alone. She's selfish, irresponsible, self-centered, and has no capacity for empathy. All the world is her stage, everyone else in it is just a prop, and no one else's feelings are real.Sure, I bet a big, romantic gesture will really play to her immaturity and selfishness, and with her desperate neediness, she may consider coming back to you.You've posted here before, and the advice you got was to let her go. She doesn't deserve this. She's incapable of being a mature, equal partner. She'll cheat again. And you teach people how to treat you - you'll be teaching her that her reward for cheating on and leaving you is total romantic devotion from you. You're begging her to treat you worse next time. I implore you, gather your dignity and run in the opposite direction, you can never have the kind of relationship you deserve with this girl.