getting over your first love

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2006
getting over your first love
1
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 4:47pm
Hello everyone! I am new to the message boards,looking for support on how to heal from a heartbreak. My partner and I have been friends for over seven years, a litte over a year ago we developed feelings for each other and decided to take that next step. Our realationship had it's ups and downs but, I was starting to think that we were making progress, until 2 weeks ago, when she decide to end it. I feel so lost in this world with out her. We were best friends. Not only did I lose my best friend but I lost my lover as well.
The reason why she decided to end this relationship, she said that I don't open up and I don't reveal my feelings, and that she gave me time to come out. She was my first girlfriend and my first love. I have been with men all my life. She opened up a whole new world to me. I feel that coming out is something that I have to do when I'm ready. I find myself blaming myself for everything that happened in our relationship. I want her back and I know that their are somethings that I need to take care of. I need to nourish my soul now. She said that she didn't want me out of her life and that she didn't want to lose me as her friend, but we don't even talk like we used to anymore just hearing or on the phone makes me cry. I still heve to see her on a daily basis, not only were we lovers but we share the same major. I have even considering moving to night classes just so I can deal with this better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2005
Sun, 04-16-2006 - 8:30pm

Welcome to the board!

I'm sorry to hear about the pain you are experiencing. Getting over your first love is definitely not an easy thing to do, but it is certainly something you can do. As you may have noticed if you've read any of the posts on this board, many of us feel that the easiest and fastest way to get over a relationship is to stop contacting and communicating with your ex completely for some period of time.

I know you said it is hard to avoid your ex and you were considering night classes. If it isn't a tremendous burden, switching your classes is certainly something I would recommend. Seeing your ex on a daily basis will not help you to get over what happened any sooner.

For me, getting over my ex was a long process of self-realization. The first thing I did was reconnect with my friends, new and old. I started going to the gym more frequently, cooking more, spending more time on my hobbies (decorating and other crafts are great at sucking up free time), etc. I think staying busy is key. I also think you need to make sure you focus on yourself and not your ex. Thinking and worrying about what they are up to all the time does not do you any good.

If you feel like you are thinking about your ex obsessively, check out the board webpage:

www.geocities.com/breakingupishard/advise.htm

That post on thought stopping is very helpful, I think.

As for the issues of your relationship, I think some time away from the relationship will help to give you clarity. If you weren't comfortable opening up right now maybe this just wasn't the right person for you. I have seen a friend of mine go from completely bottled up to totally open practically overnight once he met the right person. I still cannot believe how much he has changed (for the better), but I think his inability to open up in his prior relationship had something to do with him, but had something to do with the relationship as well.

Anyway, whatever you are feeling, the people on this board are here to help, so don't hesitate to post as often as you need. Hopefully other members will be around shortly to share more insights with you! Hang in there!

-Nikki
co-cl of Breaking Up is Hard to Do!
Visit the Breaking Up is Hard to Do web page!

Nikki