Getting Rid of Things: Good or Bad?
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| Sun, 11-05-2006 - 9:17am |
I have posted on here before, but I will give a short synopsis of my past relationship. We've been best friends for 5 1/2 years, we were to be married in August, but he left me (and town) three days before. He's come back to me a few times since then, but always leaves a couple days after, saying that he can't do it. About three weeks ago, he came back to me and we were each other every day for two weeks until one morning he woke up and told me that I wasn't worth losing his friends/family for (apparently they don't like me, I don't know what he's told them). Anyway, I have possession of the rings and when we were trying to get back together, he told me that he still wanted to marry me and that we could use the same rings. Now, he's changed his phone number and hasn't contacted me at all. He was supposed to call me about a week ago and never did. Actually, his last words were, "I love you." (Yes, I'm confused.)In a way, I wish he would come back to me, but I know he's not changing. He has been lying to me (that I know of) for over a year and he doesn't see a problem with it, thus no change will be made.
The main question I have is: Should I get rid of the rings and the other things? I really want to, but I don't know if I'm ready. I feel like if I start to let go, it will really be over. I know it's probably something I need to do and I will probably be empowered by it, but has anyone else ever been in this situation? I just feel either way, the rings have lost their personal value to me, especially since one was a promise ring, promising that he'd never leave me. Nice, huh?
Anyway, I appreaciate any advice/stories.

The way he broke it off was pretty cowardly, to say the least.
I would just put the rings away for now and decide what to do about them later. It's hard to make a good decision when emotions are running high.
What are his other things? Unless there's something he absolutely has to have in order to live his life, I would just put the stuff out of sight for now, too. If it's just "stuff" he probably doesn't need it back so I wouldn't worry about mailing it to him (plus that indirect contact could set you back).
Sheri
It's incredibly freeing to send back stuff to the ex. Especially gifts they gave, which really annoys them. Sometimes that feels really good and if you're not going to ever contact them again (like I'm not ever) I think it sends a nice "get lost, don't want to remember you" message. Call it revenge, whatever.
The main reason was though: I didn't want ANY reminders of them to look at.
I have returned things to 2 exes that broke up with me. The others that I broke up with I didn't bother. Recently, I returned my cheater ex's stuff, including all his gifts to me (the one I forgot I threw out in the garbage at work) b/c I wanted him knowing I completely REJECTED HIM and his lying and cheating on me. He said he didn't want his stuff back b4 I sent it, but I sent back his favorite boxers and family DVD anyway with all the stuff he gave me. I didn't want him thinking I was wearing his boxers, and crying while watching his DVD. And I sure didn't want to use his gifts anymore.
I might actually buy back something like the notebook he gave me which was very nice and expensive. But this one will be from me, for me, and it won't be from him.
I didn't return things from other exes, though that didn't cheat on me or hurt me badly. I have always enjoyed that they remind me of them. But then -- those are guys I broke up with so it's not the same.
It's your call, just do what is right for you. Remember you can probably buy the stuff back again yourself and then it's all about you.
In summary: When you're mad and he was a liar or cheater, getting rid of things is good. Otherwise, you might enjoy them later.
Edited 11/5/2006 8:28 pm ET by devuchka