Getting Urge To Contact - Please Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2007
Getting Urge To Contact - Please Help!!
2
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 5:32pm

Hi everyone,


I've been posting on here a lot lately, today is only day 6 of no contact after my breakup from my ex-bf who was emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive to me. I'm having my good days and my bad days, and I'm just wondering, WHY THE HECK AM I GETTING THESE URGES TO CONTACT HIM NOW? I feel like I was actually doing BETTER the first few days and as it gets further into no contact, its getting HARDER, not easier. Why is that? Thank heavens I was told to write out my feelings and post on the boards when I get feelings like this, so that's exactly what I'm doing now. How could I even THINK of wanting to talk to him again when he was so rotten to me, did such horrible unthinkable things to me, and the last thing he even said to me was "if you ever call me again, you can forget about getting your money" (he owes me $1,800) - Also, I know that today is day 9 of being "on the wagon" for him stopping drinking (if he is even still on the wagon, the last time we broke up he ended up in a motel by himself smoking crack and taking tons of pills). I know this is SO TOXIC and not a situation for ANYBODY to be in, so why am I feeling so addicted to him? I mean, when I think rationally about it, there wasn’t even much I even LIKED about him! I made a list of all the good and bad things about him and there were 23 bad things and only 1 good thing, and that was off the top of my head! So I'm guessing I'm either addicted, or I don’t like to be alone, or my self esteem just took such a huge hit, or something. Who knows. But I'm dreading going home from work because he's ALWAYS online and I know if I go on tonight I'm going to have the urge to IM him. This really sucks. I just wish I could erase him from my memory completely. My rational mind knows he's bad news, but there's that strange something in me that still wants to contact him. I know this isnt healthy, and on Monday I'm going to go to that SLAA meeting (I didn’t have the courage to go last week). Also, I'm still trying to find a therapist who has evening hours. I know this isnt something I can conquer on my own, but until I get professional help to deal with it, I'm just posting here in a time of need. Any words of encouragement would help A LOT.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:06pm

Pick up pen and paper and start writing everything you want to tell him. Even if you have nothing really to say to him, tell him why you are 'calling'

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:09pm

Hey cherrygirl83 -


What you're feeling is normal. Ask yourself these questions when you have the urge to IM him or call him - What do I want from him right now? Knowing