Gifts he/she gave you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Gifts he/she gave you.
9
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 6:12pm
What do you do with them? I would feel terrible throwing things away that someone put alot of thought into, and gave to me. All of the things that my ex has given me only reminds me of how sweet and attentive he was. I never asked him for anything, but he always kept an eye on me while we were walking the mall. He'd watch me looking at dvd's, cd's, smelling perfume, what figurines I liked, and figured things out for himself. One thing I am struggling with a a stuffed cat that resembles my real cat. My cat is one of those animals who wants food, a warm place to sleep, and nothing else. She won't let me hold her or pet her, and runs off when I walk towards her. So, he bought me this stuffed cat and told me, "You can love this one all you want, and she won't run away." I cannot bring myself to throw it away, but it breaks my heart just looking at it. I know I could put it somewhere where I don't have to look at it, but I'd feel bad doing that too. I feel like if I don't throw it in the garbage, I'll never get over him. I know this might sound ridiculous to some, but it's really eating at me.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 6:35pm

What I do is pack up the gifts that hurt me to look at, and put them away in a closet until I'm well over the guy. I like to keep mementos from my relationships and eventually, I can look at them with a smile on my face and remember the good times rather than the hurt.

So I know you say you'd feel bad doing that, but you need to do what's best for you and not having it in your sight being a constant reminder will help.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2007
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 7:39pm

Hi there

Its really difficult to distract yourself from an ex when surrounded by mementos, best thing to do is to just hide them away until you are ready to appreciete them for what they meant at the time. I couldnt throw things away either- though it was tempting at first, i know id regret it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 8:46pm

Hi,

I was extremely angry at the time and gave everything to the Salvation Army...The way that our breakup went down was so disrespectful and insensitive that I couldn't believe I was dealing with the same person I had spent 4 years with. I just felt I didn't want anything she had given me and it was 99% because of the manipulative, selfserving, uncaring way she broke up with me. If she had just taken a little time to remember how much I cared each and every day for her (and her family) and showed it, maybe she would have given me the benefit of a more decent way to break up. I couldn't handle keeping anything...it had to go. Maybe someday I can forgive, but I'm definately not there yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 9:33pm
So when my boyfriend and I broke up... I took everything he ever left here or gave me and sent it to him in a box. Even the condoms he left here... I told him that I was going to do it, because I didn't want any reminders of him. I couldn't bear the thought of throwing them away. Do you think that was spiteful? I didn't mean for it to be, but now that I think about it... it might seem that way. I figured he can do what he wants with the stuff. Give it to his sister, another girl... I don't really care at this point in time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 9:57pm
I've thought about that too, sending the stuff back to him. The truth is, I DON'T want to make him feel bad. I know I'll get over loving him, but I'll always care about him as a person. I'm just very hurt and angry right now. Maybe sending the stuff back would be a LITTLE spiteful, but it's not a bad thing to do at all. For instance, if your ex bought you cd's or movies. I think it would be more spiteful to crush them, or throw them away. If you send them back, he can put the stuff on ebay:)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 10:49pm

Well, I had one ex send me back a CD I gave him, and that hurt me terribly. I would much rather he have thrown it away, at least that way I wouldn't have known what he did with it. But to rub it in my face like that--oh, I still remember clearly how much that hurt. So, having had it done to me, I would never do that to someone, unless I really wanted to hurt them.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
Sat, 03-24-2007 - 11:52pm
There is a part of me that DOES want to hurt him. But it's a very small part of me. Our break-up was not a nasty one, but he was the one that wanted to break-up. I'm just happy that I'm rational enough to pack the things in a box and hide them for now. I just hate feeling so conflicted.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 6:13pm
What I did with the things he gave me really started out meant to hurt him, but inadvertantly made me feel a lot better. I gathered those little special things, laid them on the floor, and smashed them with a crowbar. That allowed me to express the anger I never had the courage to. For a moment I wondered if I was going to be able to stop. Good girls are taught to keep hurt and anger inside, but if I did that I would bust. At first I meant to give them back to him, but I think I will just put them out for the garbage man on Tuesday. Hope this helps you, it helped me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 6:27pm
Hey, send me a picture of it and a story and I'll add it to my blog!! Extrabaggage.com. Then it'll be immortalized and you can get rid of it!!
I'm sorry you are hurting. I've been going through a breakup myself and I find this board to be really helpful.