Girl At The Party Caught His Eye

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2003
Girl At The Party Caught His Eye
4
Sat, 09-25-2004 - 6:35pm
My boyfriend and I went to a party last night. There was a girl there that my boyfriend couldn't take his eyes off of. I didn't say anything, but it was apparent, at least to me. His eyes were following her every move. Nothing happened between them (that I noticed) and we eventually went home together and I never brought it up.

We've been dating for almost a year and I have never noticed him gawk/lurk the way he did last night. I'm not sure if I've just been blind to the fact, if I'm just reading too much into it or if maybe there's more to the story.

Should I bring this up to him or leave it alone and forget about it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2004
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 12:46pm
Showerwind,

From the effort alone that you put forth by posting your concerns...your boyfriend's lurking at this "girl at the party" is something that obviously bothers you.

I think that you should bring it up, and discuss it with him.

The two of you have been together for almost a year---so you shouldn't feel any hesitation about discussing your feelings with him.

My question is: If he's with you, then why is he blatantly looking at this girl? Also if he's doing so while you're with him--then you should question what he does when the two of you are not together. However, I also know that sometimes guys can let their eyes wander--women do this too!----but it's something that one usually shouldn't do when in a comitted relationship! (and especially when their partner is with them--I think that it is very disrespecful).

Don't just let it slide and "forget about it"---your concerns about his behavior are valid and come from a truthful place in your heart and soul. There's nothing wrong for wanting to talk to him about it. Communication is key to any relationship.

Good luck!

ms_flavor

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 09-26-2004 - 5:01pm
I would definately talk to him about it. If you don't it will cause further trouble with your relationship. Also, if you don't say anything, it will continue.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 12:12pm
What’s really sad is that many guys especially those involved in a relationship wander their eyes if their significant other is present or not. This really gives me a headache because in a real relationship and plenty of men say "oh its real baby, the love I feel for you" yeah okay whatever.... you hold the presence of your partner whether they are there or not. I guarantee that if you were to wander like that, you said he was on her all night he would flip his sh*t.... and you know it. Not only would he feel disrespected but he would also feel like you took a low blow to his man hood, and in his presence. But trust me I have been there and I have done that. Be very careful how you bring this topic up to him, because trust me he is going to get very defensive.... and he may even give you a line like, What I can look at people now? I wasn’t checking anyone out....but you know what you saw and that’s it. Maybe its time you take a look at your relationship...why would a man you have been with for a year now decide to check out other females. And especially in front of you, I feel disrespected. Have you guys lost something that you once had, are you both still intimate? If there is anything you could think of why this sudden change and if it’s worth the effort then try to fix it. But come on……checking out other females, in the presence of yours is tacky.....can we be a bit cooler men???

Good luck, let us know what happens! But it is definitely worth talking about…. its how you feel, never be ashamed of your feelings.

Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 3:52pm
If it bothered you, if you felt hurt by it, you should tell him about it. If you don't he'll think it's ok to do it whenever he feels like it and he'll assume it doesn't bother you. Always good to be clear and direct in dealings with one's partners.