Give him a little more time ????
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| Mon, 07-23-2007 - 5:51pm |
My ex wanted a break early in June and we ended up breaking up and I was slowly moving on and tried to focus on other things in my life. I mentioned in posts before that I was focusing on studying for an exam for my job and how he was cheering me on by contacting me everyday to make sure I was putting my all into it. Well, I passed my exam and he couldn't be happier for me then a few days after that he got on his knees all teary eyed and told me that he realized he messed up and wanted me back. I had one thing to say to him and that was "If any man wants to be with me he'd move mountains if he has too" and I left it at that. Even though I have said that I shut the door on this relationship because I was so angry and hurt that I thought I could replace the love I had for him with resentment but I was wrong. It had only been 3 weeks up til he asked me to take him back so of course my feelings were still there and I was still in love with him like I have always been. I told him that I'd give him another chance but he has to prove to me that he really wants to be with me and I won't have him bs-ing me again. He kept saying that I am the best thing that ever happened to him blah blah blah....so I told him all he gotta do is prove that he wants me still and that we have to take things slow. We hung out and he cooked for me and took me to the movies (celebrate me passing my exam) and he kept telling me he loved me.
So I went on vacation two weeks ago and he offered to take me to the airport at 3:30 in the morning so I thought that was nice. He texted me and we talked everyday while I was on vacation and always ended with "I love you's" it was really great. When I came back he picked me up and we came to his place, he had flowers, made breakfast, a homemade card welcoming me back which I thought was really sweet. When I got sick with the weather change when I got back in town and he took care of me. Then this past Saturday we had a talk and I basically told him that since we are starting over with a clean slate that I want to get a few things out first. During the time I was on vacation he told me that he's getting rid of people who are not worth his time out of his life and that includes female friends. So I brought it up and asked him if he meant that and he said yes. The day before I found some pics of him and an ex gf when she came and visited him when he lived in another state last year. I know I have no right to be mad but I asked him if he still talks to her and he says no, so I asked him if she ever visit him and he said once...then oh wait twice...and he didn't remember when she visited. He would remember because she came the weekend he moved back home. Anyway, I was just trying to see if he was telling the truth. He told me the past is the past and I know that but if he still talks to any of his exes then I won't have it. He said he doesn't anymore and they don't even live in the state we're in. I told him that was all I needed to know. Then he turned the table on me, I have baggage too but he knew about all this from day one. I had a crazy ex boyfriend who I had to get a restraining order on and it expired the end of June. It had to be the day of or maybe the day after the expiration that he emailed and apologized for how he treated me yadda yadda yadda. Both me and my current ex know that this guy is crazy and still loves me so who knows what will happen if we ever run into him (it's possible since we live in a small town). So now the current ex is saying that he loves me and misses me when he's not with me and knows we're good for each other but we can't ignore the lunatic. He suggested taking things slow and see where it goes but because of the old ex issue he is not sure what to do. He said he can't put in 100% to the relationship because of that and he's also focusing on his career. The career deal is fine by me because I have my own to focus on as well so it won't be like we will be spending everyday together. I told him that either he's in it to make it work or not at all, no more half assed relationship. I am better off by myself.
So I asked him what will it be and he said can you just give this some time cuz I don't want to make a big decision right now. He has told me numerous times that if he can't have me as a girlfriend than he has to have me as a friend. He said he needs me in his life in some way because I am one of the few positive things he has going on in his life right now. I told him that if it doesn't work out we can't talk at all, we can't just be friends...not right now...maybe sometime down the road.
I am impatience and I told him I am fine either way. So I decided to just let him sleep on it for another week or so and if he's still wishy washy then I am done. I can tell him all this and be strong in front of him but I miss him so much. I miss the way we were and the good times we had but if it's not one thing it's another and that's been too emotionally draining for me.
Any advice is much appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Hi mangobd,
Here's your previous posts so others can catch up on your story:
Is what I did worth it?
Taking a break = Break up?
Advice on staying focused during breakup
Need to get him out of my system!!!
My question to you after reading this part "He has told me numerous times that if he can't have me as a girlfriend than he has to have me as a friend." is When are you going to believe him?
We've been friends for the last 3 1/2 years and I consider him my bestfriend, he knows me better than anyone but it's over for good now and I know that it's for the best. I promise myself I will not contact him for at least 2 months(I hope I can make it).
But it's not so easy after that it was back to feeling crappy, angry and lonely again. All the memories come back...I am confused I dont' understand why he would throw away what was a great relationship. I hate how this just consume my thoughts all day, starting in the morning I wake up feeling sick already. I just wish there is a way to get over this faster *sigh*
I have re-read the book and posts, the book is a good refresher to remind myself that I can do better than that. That I deserve so much better but right now it's so hard for me to grasp this you know? Everyday I try to convince myself that I am better off without him but it's hard cuz I was so used to having him in my life to share my ups and downs with. We were friends for all those years and he knows me better than anyone and now he's out of my life for good. I really lost my bestfriend.
Even though I realized that maybe 6 months or a year from now I'll look back at this time and be glad that we broke up but right now emotionally I am exhausted and I wish there's a way I could get past it.