Giving Stuff Back
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 06-13-2005 - 6:39pm |
I broke things off with my ex because he said he didn't love me but liked me and being with me and I felt the same way but couldn't handle the way he was treating me, so I got upset and told him I thought he was mean for treating me as a convenience and he left, with me still really upset.
He loaned me a couple of books and I don't want them but I don't feel right throwing or giving them away since I don't feel like they are mine. Is it fine to take them back to him? I don't want to get back together and aside from talking things to an amiable point I'm not planning on harassing him or anything like that. Just curious. Not sure if it's going to be perceived as an unstable/psychotic-like gesture. It doesn't seem like it at all to me but who knows what goes through guys' heads when we show up after the break up.
Any advice or opinion would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Totally understandable.
I wish one of my ex's had returned the stuff I left at his house as I still kick myself for never getting it back. So don't worry about appearing weird for doing the right thing by returning his belongings. That's big of you.
In my most recent breakup (the one that led me here), I was so mortified that in a fit of sadness I filled a bag of things he had given me (valentine's day bear, etc.) plus some tupperware he left behind. I just sealed up the bag, put his name on it and dropped it off at his work AT A TIME I KNEW HE WOULD NOT BE THERE.
Do you have that opportunity? Also, if you know his address, it's probably a good idea to simply send the books media mail. If you drop it off at his house when you know he'll be there, it is highly suspicious that you're doing it just to get a glance at him. So, are you really wanting to return his stuff or is the real intention so you can see him again??
I would either just put them in the mail and send them to him. Visiting him in person is NOT a good idea at this point, due to the whole no contact thing.
Sheri
If something was loaned to you, it was given with the understanding it would eventually be returned. Not returning it lends to the potential that one day, your ex will get in touch to ask for the books back, thus 'no contact' turns into contact again.
Drop the books off at his place when you know or think he will not be around (if you don't want to leave it outside his home, leave it with a neighbour, and ask they pass it on, or in an apartment or condo, leave it with a superintendent).
Whether you wanted the books or not, they are still his, and should be returned.
How would mailing the books not be returning them?
I'm confused as to why you addressed this post to me...
Sheri
I agree that you should mail them to him.
I packed up a box of everything he had ever given me and left it at his doorstep at 2am in a fit of anger (he was out with another girl when he had slept with me the night before). While I don't regret getting rid of everything, I do think I could have handled it better. I don't like the idea of the new girl thinking that he has some crazy ex. Of course, i'm sure she doesn't know that we were together the night before....
Thanks everyone for your responses. I mailed him his stuff this morning, with a note that I was just returning his book and that I don't hate him. Not sure what else I could have done.
Thanks for the support though and good luck to everyone going through break ups right now!