going crazy..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2006
going crazy..
2
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:21pm
Hello,
My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. We've been doing a long distance relaionship for four years. I have been wanting to move to be closer together for a while now. So I pushed him to make a decision when he was home this last time. He avoided talking and eventually told me that he loves me but can not give me a future plan right now. His work takes him all over the place and he only stays in one area for no more then a little over a year. He is usually home for 1 or 2 months of the year and we are great together.
This last time he was only home for two weeks and I hadn't seen him in three months. The distance has been incrediably hard for me. So I was willing to quit my job so we could be together. He ended up telling me doesn't want me have to give up everything I have to follow him all over the place. So I told him that this was only an exscuse and that if he really wanted to be together nothing would stop us to do that. He says he is not really for anything else and I believe him. However he calls, I guess it's just to say hi. I am do know he cares about me. But I want to be together and it's one or the other. I believe he wants to be together too but he's not saying that. I am trying not to back down but I miss him and really want to hear his voice. So when he calls I talk as a friend and then say good bye. After four years I feel it is time for something to change. So I haven't called at all and I am trying to give him space to realize what he is loosing. However, I am scared we will grow apart. It's all I can think about and it's driving me crazy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
In reply to: rockstar_h
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:15pm
An emotionally stable guy would be thrilled to know that you are willing to sacrifice your job to be with you and will be confident that he will pay back by being caring and appreciative and doing his best to help you find another job.
A guy who is afraid of committment and not sure of his feelings towards you in the future and whether you will blame him for giving up your job in return of a lack of gratitude from his side would do exactly what your BF is doing: Push you away so he does not have to deal with this new responsibility.
Conclusion: He loves you but does not see anything special in you to make the sacrifice of a long term committment.
Move on with your life if he wakes up and sees how special you are and how committed you were throughout this long distance relationship and begs to win you back then you give him a second chance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2006
In reply to: rockstar_h
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 7:46am

Thanks Juliara,

I understand what you are saying and that is exactly what I am trying to do. Calling him isn't going to help the situation. As much as I miss him, I'd rather he take the time to figure out his feeling. I know he will be home in a month or so and will most likely want to see me. The only thing is that he has to show me that he truely does need me in his life. I wouldn't want the same thing happening down the road all over again.

So if he still calls me should I a) talk to him as a friend and be nice b) talk to him as a friend and nothing more c)do not take his calls and directly tell him not to call or d) avoid his calls with caller id?

I am only asking this because if I am nice to him...he doesn't call as much but if I give a little attitude he'll give it back but call more often. Where do I draw the line? Shouldn't it be all or nothing? I've dated long term guys before. None of which I have cared so deeply for but also made me so confused.

He has always said that things would be different if we had met 2 years later in our lives. What kinda crap is that? He's 27 and I am 26. Another problem I have is that I could date another guy while he is away. But I feel that it would first, not be fair to the other guy. Second, not help the situation although probably make hi very jelouse. Third, give him something to through back in my face later on.

I don't think that he is "just not that into me". I also know he's constantly testing our relationship and has been burned in the past. He's totally confused and making me even more confused. I just keep thinking if it's meant to be it will be.