going crazy here, feeling sad, panicking

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
going crazy here, feeling sad, panicking
11
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 12:35pm

i dont know why, but these last few days have been particularly hard for me ... i havent been breaking down and bawling or anything - but there seems to be this constant bothered feeling in my chest, coupled by endless thoughts of him...

im sad right now. very sad.

i feel like he's living his life all happy and go-lucky and doesnt even notice me gone. i feel like he's having the time of his life and doesnt care that im not there. i feel down thinking that he's happy without me...

i have him deleted on my msn list - i figured, i dont want to sit there on edge and see if hes online and whats his name says, etc. but, like a stupid fool - i keep readding him back on out of curiosity... the whole weekend, he hasnt been online and today, his msn name is this weird thing and i have no idea what it means but it seems to indicate some sorta joke he has going on with someone else... it makes me ill... curiosity really does kill the cat :(

i feel panicky - as though im on the verge of just having to call him and cry. i feel like i want to drive myself over to his place and beg for him to change his mind. i feel like breaking down and just messaging him.

ugh. i feel like crap.

a sad -
eeksj

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Fri, 04-29-2005 - 2:52am

hi to everyone!

first, i thank everyone for responding to this thread! - its absolutely fantastic to know that there are people out there who not only understand what im going through, but moreover - will take the time out of their day to send a message back :)

like my thread described - i keep going through these ebbs and flows and moments of absolute PANIC. i start thinking of all the memories i have with him, i start thinking about how he used to be with me (even just the day before we broke up! GRR), i start missing all the time we spent together (which was TONS), and then i start realizing how its OVER, and then i start to PANIC, and i start to wonder HOW the hec its over (makes no sense! ARGH), and then i start thinking about how his life is just fine without me and im enraged and soo saddened, and then i feel my head OVERFLOW with all these thoughts of HIM, and i start feeling this ACHE in my chest, and PAIN in my heart, and i feel like im BREAKING DOWN and can BARELY breathe and all of a sudden, im literally going NUTS!! AHHHH!!!!!

<>

..thats a PERFECT description of how i feel. no matter how many guys are interested in me (and there actually is surprisingly quite a few!), no matter how busy i keep myself, or how many friends tell me that im "better off" - i still feel weak at moments (and one too many, if you ask me!) - and i feel like i need to scream, cry, and just want to run to him and shake him cause i just cant seem to get him out of my system and i just miss him so much!

its such a horrible thing to go through, really. im in the process of seeking a psychologist or pscyhiatrist - but it seems that theres a shortage over here! :S ... and even though i know theres no "easy" way out of this - but still, i cant help but wish to wake up tomorrow morning and have him completely out of my system! oh, how i long for that!

...but ugh...i have no idea when all of this will be over for all of us ...but, atleast its comforting to know that im not the only one here and even better to have all your support. i hope i can offer the same! :)

hugs,
eeksj

p.s. just as much as i wish to wake up and forget about him for good - i secretly wish just as badly that he'll wake up and miss me AND never find love again ... hehehe.

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