Gonna be a tough weekend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Gonna be a tough weekend
4
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 4:55pm
Hey everyone,
I need some advice on how to get through a tough weekend. I have done good with NC for two weeks today, but know this weekend will be a challenge. Not that I think he will take my calls, he is too busy with his new girlfriend. But I'm afraid I will weaken and try to contact him and just humiliate myself. This weekend being New Year's and my B-day it is a double whammy. I suppose at least I get two tough events over at once.
I know that he has reserved a hotel room so that he and his new gf can spend the night near where they go to see their favorite band. Unfortunately I know this from continuing to read his email. He doesn't use his home email much, but did to confirm his hotel reservation. I know I need to stop reading these and most of the time I do ok, but in a moment of weakness when he never even tried to contact me at X-mas, I looked. Sorry I did because now it is all I can think of these last few days. He had agreed to NC because he says he can see how much it hurts me when he sends mixed signals.
I plan to go out with some other single girls for New Years Eve, but am worried about the time I am alone this weekend. I don't want to contact him, but really think I will breakdown. I don't have a lot of friends in this area as I met ex bf right after I moved here and never took time to meet many other people. I have one close friend at work(I'm going out with her & her friends for NY eve)who is being supportive, but don't want to keep relying on her. I am starting to feel like I am driving her crazy with always talking about him.
Any suggestions on how I can get through the weekend and maintain NC would be appreciated. I won't have a lot of people I can call with this being a holiday weekend and many people I might normally call won't be available and/or I don't want to bother them around the holidays. I need some ideas I can follow through on my own. Does writing an email to him that I don't send really help?
Thanks in advance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 5:39pm
Happy Birthday! You are a great woman, I don't know you, but how could I write that? You are here trying to get help. That is a great start. I think all of us who are recently single or trying to get over a breakup are going to have a rought weekend. But the focus of this weekend is you! It's your birthday, it's your night out with a good friend, it is a chance to celebrate the possibilities of 2006. I suggest calling some of those old friends/relative and "bothering" them during the holidays. Why? They would enjoy hearing from you. You don't have to talk about it. I think you've been doing that. Talk about old funny times, old new year's eves that you spent with them, etc. I have recently reconnected with some old friends that I neglected because of my last relationship. It has been a blast. Don't short change the people in your life. You will make it through this weekend and will go on to many other fabulous days. Thanks for giving me the chance to write positive things, it rubs off on me and helps me too. =-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 7:14pm
He has a new gf?? No brainer..LET GO..pleaseeeeeeeeee..in a few years you want to look back and feel a sense or pride..do NOT humiliate yourself..let him go..and stop tormenting yourself by reading his email...please..move on...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 6:51pm

Ok...I hate to say this, but if you're reading his email, you're not doing no contact. That is indirect contact but it definitely keeps you hooked in. So until you're able to break yourself of that habit, you're not really going to make progress in your recovery.

I *know* it's hard...but start with committing to one day, then another...and eventually you'll be on the other side of it. I won't lie to you though...it gets harder before it gets easier. But once you are able to sustain *complete* NC for a few weeks...you will start to feel better.

For this weekend though...I'd recommend going to as many movies as possible (stay away from romances, though, if you can). That helped me white knuckle through some tough NC times...because while you're at the movies, you can't contact him for a couple hours at least. I've gone to as many as 3 movies in a row a few times in the past ;-).

Bother your friends and family over the holiday weekend, it's what they are there for ;-).

I don't find writing emails you don't send to be satisfying...plus there's too much danger you'll actually send it. I'd recommend writing in a journal or writing a letter in Word instead.

And whatever you do, don't have more than a drink or two, max, tonight...and get someone to help you make sure you don't contact him (have them take your phone or whatever it takes...there are some great ideas in "It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken").

Good luck, and keep us posted on how you're doing.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2005
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 10:07am

Hey everyone,
Thanks for the support. Well I made it through New Year's Eve without contacting him, didn't even bring my phone with me so I couldn't obsess over whether he would call me to wish me a Happy NY/Happy B-day. In my heart I knew he wouldn't because he was with new mid-life crisis gf. Even though reading his email to know what he was doing last night was VERY WRONG, it actually helped to know where he was and not worry that I would accidentally run into them. I went with friends to several different places, but at least knew there was no chance he would be there. I could not have handled a run in with the two of them last night.
Sheri, I guess you are right about the email still being indirect contact. I'm going to take not checking that one day at a time. I think today I will go shopping for myself with some gift cards I got for X-mas and my B-day. Going to the movies won't work for me, cause I'm not a big fan of movies and when I did go it was always with bf, cause he loves going. Movies are also the most likely place to run into him and not ready for that. I'm going to do my best to keep busy today. Right now I'm also letting myself be angry at him that he wouldn't even text message me any holiday or birthday wishes. I told him NC, but really thought he would want to at least do that.
Thanks again everyone and wish you all a very HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Leslie