Good advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2003
Good advice!
2
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 10:23am

A friend sent this to me awhile ago, and I thought it might be of interest to those of you here who have recently ended a relationship. Good advice!
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If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly

happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you

deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a

friend.

Don't settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he

probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at

yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or is in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing

less.

Never let a man define who you are. Never borrow someone else's man. If

he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships ... there is nothing cute about baggage.

Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you ... a relationship consists of two WHOLE

individuals ... look for someone complimentary ... not supplementary.

Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always

readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...

You'll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman

prepare, and a man aware.




Edited 1/26/2006 10:24 am ET by taunwe

"Without music, life is a journey through the desert"...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
In reply to: taunwe
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 12:45pm
Those are very insightful and really made me think!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
In reply to: taunwe
Thu, 01-26-2006 - 6:40pm

Hi,

Great post. While agree with much of what is here, there are a couple of items I do not agree with.

The first one I have issue with is the first one:

"If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away" This may be true in general, but there are a quite a few times where this statement just isn't true. My first example, If I were to love someone with all my heart and soul (and even if I didn't) and they tell me to keep away....guess what? I will respect their wishes and keep away. There are many other examples that would go this same way.

I guess what I may be getting at, is that I read on these boards a lot, about woman (or men) that tell their significant other to leave them alone or to give them space and/or that they want NC. Then they are surprised that they ex (or significant other) doesn't call them or try to be with them like they did while they were dating. It is just plain respecting the wishes they communicated. They'll say I guess they don't care because they don't call like they used to. In reality, the lack of contact (or staying away) is happening because they really do love them so much that they respect their wishes of what they really want. What better reflection of love is there than doing something that hurts yourself for the benefit of the one you love?

The same thing kind of goes with the second one: "If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay"

Far to many people stay in relationships even if they don't want their partner any more. I always think about the studies on POWs and people that had been kidnapped. Even when released, they fear the unknown so much more than where they are, that they want to stay even though they are in horrible conditions.

Okay, enough on the critism side. My favorites of the rest:

"Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache." So much easier said than done.

"If something bothers you, speak up." How can people address something that is bothering a partner if they don't even understand that they are bothered?

"All men are NOT dogs." Sometimes it only seems this way.

"Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later. " Okay one more critical comment....refer to the last quote.....All men are NOT dogs.

"Never move into his mother's house." You'd think this one is just common sense.

Maybe someone needs to do a male version of this good advice.

Russ