Good riddance...what would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2004
Good riddance...what would you do?
4
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 12:26am
I need some advice here. i know i'm doing the right thing by letting him go, but what would you do? Heres my story....

Next month is my husband and mine 3rd wedding anniversary. Our WHOLE relationship was built on lies. He's been having women chat buddies (actually, 'affairs') on the internet for our entire relationship and at least 2 of those innocent chat buddies resulted into one on-going phone sex affair and one hands-on affair that i found out about in June. He had a million and one reasons for the affairs. After the constant arguing and wanting him to stop the affairs, he tells me he has feelings for the woman he has the physical affair with! She lives in Arizona (we live in California) All the continued whining and pining away for her and his 'confusion' about the whole situation, i demanded that he leave our home and go to her to figure out what he wants. he stays with her, but constantly calls me literally 5 to 10 times a day, including texting me saying he made a mistake, he loves me, etc. But, even with all of that, he could never pull himself away and come home. He actually came home this past thursday, this after lying to her to get away for a couple of days. she had a feeling he was coming her to see me and told him that he hes not back in 2 days, she would come to our home to get him! That was it for me. At this moment, i am finished with this relationship and are filing for divorce. No one deserves to be treated this way. I know he will continue to harass me because he feels that i still want him and says he can't let me go. any advice as to what you would do in this situation??
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 1:15am
I would also consider filing a restraing order and keep the number for the police handy since this guy "feels that you still want him and says he can't let you go," also block any phone numbers from him and change the locks, maybe even get an alarm system. Paranoid, maybe, but I suggested it because this guy sounds like he is stalker material and has the mentality for it. Have you made it abundantly clear to him that you do not want him and to leave you alone? I'd also call that other gal and tell her if she wants him, come get him and make him leave you alone.

I'm having a hard time figuring out why this guy is so great that this other woman would "come get him." Fully knowing what he's done to you and most likely will do the same thing to her. She must be stark raving mad. I really feel for you. It's a tough place to be. Hopefully he will just leave it be and let you get on with your life.
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 10-17-2004 - 2:59am
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I think filing for divorce sounds like the right course of action.

You might also want to check out the betrayed spouse group at:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery

and also the Healing After Betrayal board:

The women there are very supportive and are all going through very similar situations.

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlhealingaft

Hang in there ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 1:02pm
You are absolutely doing the righ thing by divorcing this monster!

As far as him herassing you, simply get a restraining order.

If you have to, move! there are lawas against herassment.

Now I pray for you that you really mean what you say. This man will not change and I speak from experience here. My sister had a monster bf like this he did the same crap online.

You deserve better!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:09pm
i think you are doing the right thing in this relationship by ending it. It just sounds like this man cant make up his mind about anything and I would never trust him especially after all of those " chat buddies" hes been having throughout this relationship. It's going to be hard to get over but trust me, you are doing the right thing and there are plenty of better men out there then this jerk :-)