a "good" way to break up with a woman?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 09-06-2004 - 11:17pm |
Despite my best intentions, however, things did not go well during each of these break-ups. My last girlfriend was devastated when I told her, and could not stop crying. My previous girldfriend was furious with me and launched into a tirade about how I had used her. Before I could get a word in edgewise, she slapped me across the face and stormed off in a huff. I know you're probably thinking that I'm dating women who are emotionally imbalanced, but they were both actually quite mainstream and normal. Are these types of reactions fairly typical of many women, or are they on the extreme side? Are there any tips you can offer on steps and techniques that should be used when breaking up with a woman? Hopefully I'll not have many more breakups, but if/when I do I'd like for things go more smoothly. Thanks.

.** I know you're probably thinking that
I'm dating women who are emotionally imbalanced,
but they were both actually quite mainstream and normal.
Are these types of reactions fairly typical of many women,
or are they on the extreme side? Are there any tips you can
offer on steps and techniques that should be
used when breaking up with a woman? **
wow.... this is a good one, how you have chosen to
describe Imbalance and Normal.......
it seems in your post you have ether "SET"
your ex girlfriend OFF balance to "want" to
slap the crap out of you for breaking it off.
and you found just telling them in "person"
that you are THROUGH with them "SHOULD"
be taken LIGHTLY.. even after stating in your post you
KNOW there were some amount of INVESTMENT involved.
It really gets me how some men think this is just OKAY...
lies, cheating, leading on, and
pure GAMES of winning a woman's heart,
to just pat yourself on the back and
then DUMP her for the NEXT ADVENTURE ...
is just a FEW of the reasons a woman would get
Upset, hurt, angry, (or how you put it) off balance.....
a man that have RESPECT for a woman
and the women he "dates" ,
and ALLOWS them to get EMOTIONALLY
involved with him, should be able to take
responsibility for "HIS" REJECTING actions
"BEFORE" and after they happen.
from your post your seem to know you will
be dumping another woman,And need an easy
way out...... well for the sake of
another hurt woman you'll encounter, if you
really are the "GOOD" guy you want to be
in your next dumping. try LETTING the poor girl KNOW
In advance of how you feel about
"closeness" in your revolving door.
DEVASTATION in a break up is very painful....
it USUALLY means finding out The man, a woman loves,
or have GROWN to love have BEEN deceiving her.
And was NOT CLEAR with his REAL feelings about
her and his intentions.
a "TYPICAL MAN" is also a "TYPE" of a reaction
to not being satisfied with NORMAL hurt feelings....
i hope you will be able to SMOOTHLY "TELL"
the next woman you get involved
With how you feel, and if you "want" to
extend the relationship or NOT....
So she can "smoothly" decide to stay or
leave with her feelings and dignity intact.
I think that your two ex girlfriends reacted so badly because in some way they felt betrayed by you, did you ever tell them that you loved them?, did you say that you would like to spend the rest of your life with them?, did you make promises?. When you break up with a woman it becomes obvious that you didn't mean any single word you said, that's why we react so badly. Everybody hates lies, false promises, hipocrisy, so why don't be honest from the beginning about your expectations on being in a relatioship with someone?.
Never say anything that you know you will take back.
Iliana
I appreciate the advice so far, but I would like to make one thing clear. In each instance, I broke up for the "right" reasons, i.e. the relationships were not working out. It was not a case of me cheating on them, using them, or deceiving them in any way. Thanks again.
I would urge you to keep any reasons that you share to the "I just don't feel we are right for each other" variety, rather than specific criticisms of her. It's much better to say "I feel our goals for the future are incompatible" rather than "you have no ambition" or something like that.
Otherwise, just get it out, and leave. There's no need to drag it out.
Sheri
1. Be honest.
2. Tell her in person.
3. Don't say "We can still be friends".
4. Tell her it's you, it's nothing she did.
5. Be ready for tears or anger - there's nothing you can do about this. She is being rejected, plain and simple.
6. Don't contact her after you break up. It will only send mixed messages.
7. Tell her she deserves someone who will give her what you can't. If the right feelings for her are not there for you, there's nothing you can do and you don't want to pretend, that would only be cheating her out of an honest relationship.
8. Be ready for more tears and anger.
Be prepared for tears and anger. You say that you have never deceived them....with my ex, I told him to never say anything he didn't really mean......but he obviously didn't mean it when he said he never wanted to leave me, that he'd love me forever.....that's what hurts, that's what ends up being confusing...it's those things that run through the head over and over again, and cause so much pain and regret and hurt.
Dude, you can't break up with someone and not expect a bad reaction. Unless it's mutual. whenever that happens. lol. Haven't experienced that one yet.
If you loved them at one point, or even just cared about them a lot, you have to know that it's gonna hurt them.
But do everyone a favour....don't try to be friends right away. she's gonna be hurting, and it's natural to turn to your friends when you're hurt....but it's so confusing to turn to your ex for comfort when it's your ex who has caused all the pain...trust me, I know.
Karen
Hope this helped