Goodbye Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Goodbye Love
3
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 9:29am
Sorry guys, I just have to get it all out. I miss him. I miss him like crazy. I want to hate him. I want to hate him for contacting me three times after 7 days of NO CONTACT. I want to hate him for making me start over again with No Contact. I was doing so well too. I was happy again. I felt amazing. I was doing things for myself and actually waking up every morning happy and ready to start the day. Now, I feel like crying all the time. I feel so sad and I blame him. He had no right to contact me. He had no right to disrespect my wishes when I asked him not to contact me.... I would contact him. I want to hate him so much and tell him that he was a horrible person for what he did to me. I want to tell him that I will never be his best friend again and I want to see his heart break when I say it, because I know thats what he really wants. He doesn't want me out of his life, but I want to hurt him by not allowing him to have me in his life. I want to make him cry and grieve for an entire month, because I want that month of my life back. I want to be spiteful and mean, but I can't be. What would that accomplish? It wouldn't make me feel any better. I love him. I still do and I don't know if I ever will stop loving him. I will not tell him any of those things, because I want to come out of this relationship with some sort of dignity. I don't want to be bitter. I will never say a word about this to him, because I KNOW all this will go away with time. I'm just hurt and sad. I'm saying goodbye to loving him and hello to loving myself. Okay, that made me feel a whole lot better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:04pm

Hi Lindseyloo,


I'm glad venting made you feel better. I gotta ask, why are you giving him so much power over your progress?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:31pm

Hey girl - I completely understand what you are going through.

Have you thought about changing your phone numbers/email? I know it's a drastic measure, but it would get the hint across. I also think it SUCKS that he won't leave you alone. I went 45 days of NC and then my ex put Valentine's Day candy on my front door for me to find that morning. Send me into a major tailspin.

You'll be ok - I promise. It would be nice if you could tell SOMEONE ELSE to tell your EX to leave you alone. Do you have a mutual friend who might be able to take him aside and say, "Dude, she's asked you to leave her alone, so DO IT!!!"????? That might get the point across as well.

Hang in there!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 12:53pm
You are absolutely right. I guess I'm just not strong enough yet to say big deal... I have gotten into the acceptance phase and have even been happy again. I hate that he still has some sort of control over me. It makes me furious that he does. I need to continue to focus on myself and continue to make progress. I think the problem was... I actually had conversations with him when he did contact me. I know now that its not good for me when I do. It hinders my progress. So I will not be speaking to him at all. I will not allow myself to miss him, because that just prolongs my "move-on". Out of sight, out of mind right? Its just a bad day, but tomorrow will be better. I will get through this.